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Jackattak's Bassnectar Show Blog May 8th, 2009

2009-05-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

Friday, May 8th, 2009. The Crystal Ballroom. My first Bassnectar show. This is going to totally rock.

7:ooPM - Bunny and I left our apartment to head over to Mel's place to prefunk before the show. We picked-up three 24 oz. cans of Red Bull for everyone to make Red Bulls n' vodka. Got to Mel's at 7:30 on the dot and were greeted by a shirtless Josiah. Hippie!!

8:00PM - Justin and Brittney show up at Mel's and the prefunking ensues!

9:30PM - We leave Mel's place for the one block walk to the Crystal Ballroom. Convenient!

9:40PM - We arrive at the scene of the crime. We are immediately bombarded by some asshole McMennamin's employee barking at kids outside the venue.

"No drugs! No bags! No white gloves! No Vick's! No candy! No glowsticks!" He keeps chanting this over and over. A group of us outside finally start shouting back.

"So then, like, NO FUN?!"

I shove what I need to shove into my shoes and we go on inside after picking up our tickets at will-call. Walk inside. Put up my arms to be searched. The guy pats me in two places and tells me to go on in. I was expecting a full body cavity search the way that gorilla at the front door was going on! Easy enough. I successfully smuggled my Stride gum into the place. It was in my hand the entire time.

We get inside and work our way up to the third floor, where the Crystal Ballroom resides. The second floor is Lola's Room, a much smaller, more intimate venue.

We get into the Crystal and see that they have it segregated with barriers. One side is for 21+ with bartenders and the other side is for everyone, which is closest to the stage. There is a split roughly down the center of the ballroom floor for event staff to migrate to the stage quickly and unimpeded.

No coat checks, but we fixed that. I found a table that the 21+ ID checker was using to put stuff on, which was draped in a black cloth. I pulled up the cloth and we hid our jackets underneath it.

Despite me and Bunny advising the kids not to drink under the circumstances, Josiah, Justin, and Brittney get their beers on. :D Oh you crazy kids!

The night's libations prove to be powerful, which is nice. I might have gotten my doses a little high, as my measuring equipment lacked the proper incremental measurement so I had to eyeball it. I erred on the side of too much. Just to be sure, you know.

The first kid, Kush Arora, did very well. Dubstep to be sure, and we grooved for a minute to get warmed up. Gift of Gab came on next, and that was certainly going to be exciting, right?

Come to find out, Gift of Gab is the MC Blackalicious along with the DJ Random Rab. I had no clue there was going to be hip-hop this night and neither did Bunny. We were in the wrong mindset all together and things didn't go so swell with our libations. We let them die, not wanting to waste anything on the big show, Bassnectar.

Don't get me wrong, Gift of Gab was good. I wasn't really down with Blackalicious forcing the all ages side to say "Fuck ya'll over there" only to have the 21+ side scream the same thing (too negative for me), but he's a skilled MC to say the least and the show was roughly enjoyable given my mindset at the time. At one point in his show, an older woman appeared on stage. When I say appeared, I mean she more or less coallesced on stage. One second it was just Blackalicious and Random Rab, the next second there was an older woman (roughly 55-60) on stage with them. If you thought we were surprised by this, you should've seen Blackalicious.

The woman on stage with Blackalicious was clearly out of her gord. Some poor Mom who got pulled along with her kid(s), who probably dosed her on something. She was very, very out of it. She kept trying to hold Blackalicious' hand and he wouldn't let her. Finally after his song, Blackalicious introduced her to the crowd as "Sandy" and called on security. They whisked her away quietly enough, although poor Sandy was definitely unwilling and didn't want to leave the limelight so quickly. As the event staff were escorting her off stage and through the middle of their clear path, she was reaching out and trying to grab people on the 21+ side of the barriers. I was standing right at the barrier and quickly got out of her reach before she came to where I was standing. Didn't want those LSD-induced claws in me, thanks!

We took a bathroom break after Gift of Gab finished and upon our return we found Bassnectar getting fired up. We got back in our good position for the show. The libations were coming on strong again, as we had re-upped between the shows. The imagery was pure madness. Sick, sick stuff going across three 108" HD-DLP screens behind Bassnectar himself. The images I saw on those three screens I can't readily describe with my limited word bank.

As if that weren't enough, Bassnectar brought in at least 20 of the largest speaker cabinets I've ever seen, and lined them up in a "wall of bass" in front and below his DJ position. His stringy, long, dark hair bounding around and flicking all about while he throws down some of the sickest, stickiest dubstep I've heard. Lots of killer vocalizations as well. We danced and danced until it was over. Bassnectar had played for two hours straight. Ridiculous!

After the show we found Josiah up in the mezzanine and we all joined him up there for a quick seat before we left. We reflected on what had just happened, libations still running strong of course, and then we walked back to Mel's to wind-down and call it a night.

Bunny and I decided to cab it home after a while and we talked Justin into sharing the cab with us so he and Brittney could sleep in our second bedroom, all nice and cozy. They did just that and we finally got to bed around 5AM.

It was an overall successful mission, to say the least. I only wish it could've lasted longer, but I always wish that. I'm never really ready for the party to end.

When I grow up I want to party all night and all day and never sleep.

Alas, in our vast world that is largely devoid of any real semblance of fun, we work the majority of our lives away almost every single Monday through Friday after we turn 18, only to retire (if we're lucky) at 65 when we're all too old to party anymore. I ask you, what the FUCK is so good about that? Shouldn't life be quite the opposite? Who the hell finds work so much fun that they want to do that more than they want to party? What the fuck is wrong with the people who built this crazy code? I find myself disgusted with the 50-hour work week.

I want to win the lottery and buy Ibiza.

But enough with the negativity. Allow me to reflect on Friday night and remember the positive vibes we all shared through seemingly the same conciousness. 'Cuz it was sure was fun and I wouldn't trade anything in the world for my closest of friends and the great times we share together. It somehow makes all the hard work worthwhile.

Peace, Jackattak

Diet Diary Day 8

2009-05-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

Well, today's the big day! Bassnectar at Crystal Ballroom! Got through the workday and ran my ass home to help with dinner, only to find that I didn't need to do anything at all!

Bunny made a gorgeous and delicious salad of mixed greens, red onions, candied pecans that Bunny candied herself (so good) and Bunny's homemade vinaigrette. One piece of bread was all I could put down after a big plate of salad. My stomach is certainly shrinking fast!

No exercise today as I want to save my legs and back for tonight's show. I most certainly will get all the workout I need from shaking my ass on the Crystal's dance floor!

Bassnectar show blog post coming next!

~Jackattak

Diet Diary Day 7

2009-05-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

Bunny woke-up feeling like shit, now. I will go home and take good care of her so that she can mend before the Bassnectar show. She's a little feverish, but only by 1 degree so I think she'll manage.

Came home and did laundry plus made dinner. I fixed a chicken stir-fry with a bunch of veggies we had in the fridge. So good! Bunny enjoyed it as well. Of course it's good for us. Bunny started feeling better by dinner time but I wouldn't let her lift a finger, except for helping with the folding of clothes. Otherwise I made Bunny sit her little tooshie on the couch to rest.

No exercise today as I didn't really have time, what with doing laundry (namely the bed linens...they were gross after all my feverish sweating) and cooking dinner. Not complaining. I was happy to help out with home stuff so Bunny could rest and recover from being sick today.

Bassnectar tomorrow! One more day of work!

~Jackattak

Diet Diary Day 6

2009-05-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

Still sick! Still feverish at 99.7° F this morning. Got better through the afternoon and I felt damned-near perfect by 5PM.

No workout as I don't want to stress myself after being sick. Didn't much of anything again, so no worries of getting fatter while I lay in bed.

Good news is that I only have two days of the work week left until I can party my ass off at the Bassnectar show on Friday night! W00t!!

Bunny took great care of me the past two days. I'm sure she was just happy to have someone at home with her!

~Jackattak

Diet Diary Day 5

2009-05-11T10:59:00.000-07:00

Whoa. Not good. Woke-up with a migraine from hell. It was so bad that I couldn't even see straight. Worse still, I had to get up and iron nice clothes as we had a visitor at work so we had to dress business casual.

Make my way in to work somehow, all the while getting rained on while waiting for the MAX and walking to and fro. Got to work, got my daily stuff done, and went directly home for the day.

Right around 2PM I was feeling terribly hot on the outside and extremely cold on the inside, so I decided to check the ol' temperature. 100.2° F. Good enough for a fever! Checked it again an hour later, after Bunny ran out and got me some Tylenol. 100.7° F. Ruh-roh. I called my boss to let him know I wouldn't be coming in on Wednesday, either.

Needless to say, I didn't eat much of anything and I sure as shit didn't exercise. Slept like a baby and that was about that.

Good thing about the flu/fever/supercold or whatever it was that hit me is that I don't eat really anything at all, so I'm losing weight just by being sick. Sweet! Hope I feel better before Bassnectar on Friday...

~Jackattak

Jack's Diet Blog: Day Four

2009-05-04T08:41:00.000-07:00

Wow can't believe I'm all ready on Day Four! The time goes by quickly. Hopefully before I know it my Summer bod will start shaping up.

Had an English muffin breakfast sammich for, you guessed it, breakfast, which had turkey breakfast sausage, eggs, and cheese on it, a Clif Bar after our Kung Fu practice, white rice with string beans and carrots for dinner, and some fresh cherries for desert. I couldn't have eaten more than 1,000 calories all day.

Had an intensive and great Kung Fu workout at the Brothers' House. Did Tan Toi lines 1-4, two lines each from one end of the horseshoe pit to the other, worked on step-&-change, bursting, Gun Tin, Tao Tsao Tsing, and went through all of our stancework. Also did three reps of Arrow Hands, of course. I'll be finishing every workout with Arrow Hands from here on out.

Drank too many beers. Head fuddled. So glad that Jake dropped that bottle of Jameson's, because if he hadn't I'd be hurtin' this morning. I all ready am, but it's not from the alcohol. It's from the workout. ;)

I am also glad that the meat on the grill took so long and we were unable to enjoy any before we had to leave. That kept my caloric intake very low.

Was hungry and weak last night. Slept like shit. I woke-up around 4AM for no good reason at all and took me an hour to get back to sleep. Today will suck. My coffee isn't much help!

~Jackattak

Jack's Diet Blog: Day Three

2009-05-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

Saturday, May 2nd.

Had a Clif Bar for breakfast, a piece of bread and leftover halibut for lunch, and cooked up some homemade chili with ground turkey for dinner (more bread, too).

No exercise. I think I am going to make Saturday exercising optional throughout the program. I was pretty tired and sore from working out on Thursday and Friday and knew I would be getting a rigorous workout on Sunday's Kung Fu practice, so I figured I could give myself a day off. Plus I walked to the MAX and went to work for an hour, so I got in a two mile total walk, so that's some exercise, at least.

Very hungry all day. Wish my damned stomach would hurry and shrink, all ready!

~Jackattak

Jack's Diet Blog: Day Two

2009-05-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

Friday, May 1st. Had a Clif Bar for breakfast, a wok bowl with chicken and assorted veggies from New Seasons for lunch, and baked halibut with asparagus and bread for dinner.

Exercise: Did Tan Toi lines 3, 5, and 8 in the garage from one end to the other, five reps of each 9-Sectional White Lotus strength exercises 1-5 , and three sets of Arrow Hands.

Still hungry, but dealing with it. Only drank two beers, which is good on a Friday night.

~Jackattak

Jack's Summer Bod Blog Part 1

2009-05-01T08:44:00.000-07:00

The time has come for me to get rid of my Winter Hibernation Layer (i.e. the spare tire making my t-shirts stretch at the belly) in preparation for the Summer festivities, namely the Emergnsee Festival 2009.

This blog will serve as my personal diary for keeping track of my progress over the next six weeks or so. That being said, I don't expect anyone to find any of this very interesting, therefore I won't be sending out any blog updates like I usually do. If someone decides to check this out on their own, so be it. Personally I would find someone else's exercise/diet blog diary about as interesting as watching mold grow on the walls of a shitty inner-NE Portland apartment. Not that I've ever done that. /sarcasm

I'm not sure how long this will take me, and I don't have a bona fide plan, per se. That sentence contained more Latin than I've used in years. My plan at this point is to simply eat less and workout more. Kung fu every day. EVERY DAY. Consequently that will help me cut-down on my drinking as well, and I think it stands to reason that will help me cut down my waist line in due process (12 oz. beer curls don't help the beltline). I think with this steady regimen, I should be able to make my body Summer-ready in 6 weeks. Seems reasonable to me.

Day One

Good Eats: Yesterday was Day One. I ate a vegan smart muffin from Peet's Coffee & Tea Downtown for breakfast. Ate two of Bunny's uber-fabulous Chinese BBQ chicken lettuce wraps for lunch. For dinner I met Bunny at our Subway after work and I had a 6" roasted chicken sub, a personal-sized bag of Doritos, and a Power-C Vitamin Water.

Exercise: Bunny accompanied me to the lower-level garage under our apartment building and we performed the following kung fu exercises:

Tan Toi Lines 1 & 2, from one end of the garage to the other. Bunny aggravated her lower-thigh so we thought it best to move on since there are so many single-splits in Tan Toi and I didn't want her to make it worse.

9-Sectional White Lotus Exercises 1-5, 5 sets each.

Arrow Hands, 5 sets.

After that we watched the Blazers lose the playoffs. I drank two 16-oz. PBR's during the game. Not too upset about the Blazers losing. They had a remarkable season, 41 wins last year, 54 wins and a playoff series this year. Couldn't be prouder of the boys in black. Or red. Whatever color they're wearing.

I found myself quite hungry from 3PM - 5PM during Day One, but it being the first day of a diet routine it stands to reason. I have to give my stomach time to shrink-down and stop wanting so much food. Long gone are the days I spend at work shoveling snack mix into my mouth before I even eat lunch. The thought of it disgusts me, really. One look in the mirror shirtless is all it takes for me to want to rip the fat out of my body with my tiger claw exercise. Being that could be construed as extreme to an on-looker, I will stick to my diet/exercise routine.

I expect I won't be as hungry today, Day Two. I can't wait for the results to start coming in, though. I wish I was 6 weeks ahead into the future right now and marveling over my deliciously ripped abs. Doubtful that will happen in 6 weeks but I can at least make myself look better in that time.

Which brings me to my final note for my first diet diary entry. What is my goal at the end of six weeks? Come to think of it, when will 6 weeks be? Six weeks from today, which is May 1st, will be June 15th. So, my goal in that time is to simply cut-down my spare tire as much as I can. I won't stop my routine in 6 weeks, though. Being that Emergnsee Festival 2009 isn't until July 17th, I really have 2 1/2 months left, or 10 weeks. But more on that later. I'm keeping my goals near-sighted for now. I'll check on my progress in 6 weeks and see how I feel about it. If more needs to happen outside of daily kung fu and a good diet, I'll make the necessary adjustments.

On with Day Two...

~Jackattak

Portland: Where Amazing Happens

2009-04-17T12:44:00.000-07:00

As of last Wednesday night, the Blazer Boys have made what seemed impossible in the beginning of the year utterly undeniable. We tied for the 2nd best record of the Western Conference in the National Basketball Association. And still, no one at said National Basketball Association even stirred.

Yesterday, thousands of Portlanders (Oregonians?) showed-up for the Trail Blazers Playoff Rally in Pioneer Square, Downtown Portland, to show their faith in the boys. Although I couldn't attend due to being one of only a few Portlanders left with a job, my lovely wife, Bunny did make it and she reported that the atmosphere was most electrifying.

So the question remains: When will the Trail Blazers finally be recognized for what they are, one of the most incredible teams that the NBA has seen in years?

Let's go back about three decades, when Portland won their only NBA National Championship Title to date. There was no recognition then, either. Opponents and fans of other teams waffled and scoffed. But let's be straight. They didn't just win the national championship. They did it with blowouts. And still no one gave us our due regard.

The NBA needs to stop sucking the phallus of big market teams and start regarding their small market teams with their due recognition. The almighty dollar might be the most important thing to Mr. Stern, but he needs to be kicked in the teeth with the reality of the situation: There's more to the NBA than the almighty dollar. There's some real magic out there and it's going largely unnoticed with the exception of the die-hard fans.

I have a better idea, though. If the NBA isn't willing to promote our spectacular feat, it's OK. We are in the Information Age. We can do this ourselves. Portland is a creative place, filled with the most progressive people in the United States. We can simply make our own feel-good commercials! Hell, nobody here has a fucking job right now anyway, and the majority of those without jobs are...*gasp* CREATIVE TYPES!

So get to work, you art bums! Use your Adobe apps you stole using BitTorrent to promote our kick-ass Blazer Boys!

And a personal message from me to all of the Trail Blazers staff and players: Thank you so much for such a wonderful year of basketball. At the beginning of the year I could've never imagined this much progress in so little time. You have all amazed me beyond belief, and have shown a non-native what it truly feels like to be a BlazerManiac.

Rip Mother Fuckin' City Bitches!!

A Message to Sir Charles...

2008-12-05T11:57:00.000-08:00

Check it out, Charles Barkley. You've got me so pissed right now, I've actually pulled some strings with Google and gotten my Blog revived from the dead.

You're trash-talkin' one helluva team, bruh. Matter of fact, every time I see you on TNT (!!) I hear some ill-will against the Blazers come out of that dumpster you call a mouth. Did you know that Portland is currently number two in the NBA Western Conference? And allow me to help you save some face by stopping you before you say that the Western Conference ain't shit: We're 7-0 against the Eastern Conference, too! SO BACK OFF.

Here's why you and apparently the rest of the NBA "analysts" on national TV hate the Portland Trail Blazers:

1) We're still a homegrown team, with our very own homegrown arena (i.e. not sposnored by Verizon, or Taco Bell, or Your Mom).

2) Know why we're still homegrown? Because we have the Number One Fans of Any Sport, Ever. From 1977 - 1995, the Blazers sold out 814 games. No other team in the history of organized sports (so like, forever) has ever done that. http://bleacherreport.com/articles/73328-blazermania-and-two-unbreakable-records For that, you hate us.

3) Even though we have no corporate sponsorship, we're still somehow able to become the Number Two Team in the NBA Western Conference. For that, you hate us.

4) All of our players are nice guys. Guess what? I'm not. Eat a dick, Sir Charles.

Oh and by the way, who do you coach, Sir Charles? Oh wait, you've just got that armchair quarterbacking job at TNT (!!). 'Nuff said there, I guess.

Get your facts straight. Wanna trash a team? Trash a bad one so that you don't look like a jealous, washed-up fat ass with nothing intelligent to say about basketball (or anything else, really).

Michael Vick

2007-08-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

Today's blog is based on the on-going antics of Michael Vick, currently the star quarterback of the Atlanta Falcons NFL team. For those of you living under a rock, Michael has agreed to a guilty plea in the case where he has been indicted for running an organized underground dogfighting ring. There's more to it than just that, but I'll save it for CNN.

Today I want to specifically talk about this article here: http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/law/08/22/vick/index.html

Apparently the NAACP's (National Association for Advancement of Colored People) Atlanta chapter has said that they don't think Michael Vick should be banned from pro football. They've also said that Michael Vick only agreed to a guilty plea deal in fear of "rolling the dice" in a trial where he may be found guilty, anyway. They ALSO said that Michael is being persecuted more for having "just killed some dogs" than he would have been if he had killed a human being. They also, ALSO said that people hunt deer and other animals all the time, and nobody ever finds anything wrong with that. Holy shitballs. I simply can't let that dog lie (pun intended).

Here we go.

Let's look at the first thing the NAACP has said about Mr. Vick. They claim that they don't think he should be banned from NFL football. They think that he should pay his dues and then be allowed back in. Personally, being an animal lover, I think what he's claimed to be "fully responsible for" and guilty of is an abominable act and that anyone that supports him is either condoning his activity as being acceptable or capable of lending a blind eye to it. That, to me, is just as bad as committing the crime, and he should in no way be allowed back in to the NFL, nor would I want him endorsing my product line if I ever had one. It's a well known fact that those who commit acts of cruelty upon animals are susceptible to sociopathic behavior. Do we really want sociopaths in our NFL? Do we want our kids growing up with these types of role models? Anybody remember Jeffrey Dahmer?

The NAACP also claimed that Michael only agreed to a guilty plea bargain because he was fearful of "rolling the dice" in a trial where he could've been found guilty of much, much more. I agree with that, but not for the same reasons that the NAACP would. I agree to that because he's afraid of the extra charges the prosecution has in store for him should he not agree to the plea bargain. The prosecution obviously has enough evidence to send him up the river for years, otherwise they wouldn't have threatened him with it. I'm completely against plea bargaining in the first place, by the way. It's a mockery of the judicial system. Does it save taxpayers money? Probably. Is it worth it? Not a penny. You're letting a criminal off easy. The NAACP probably thinks that because he's "colored" (using their terminology, not mine) that he will automatically be found guilty. I'd like to think that isn't the case. I mean, after all, OJ Simpson is "colored" and he got off, right?

I'm going to lump their last two comments into one, because they are of similar nature. They said that he is being persecuted more for "just killing some dogs" than he would've been if he had murdered humans. They said that people hunt deer and other animals all the time, and no one ever goes after them. "Just killing some dogs?" Really? He didn't "just" kill some dogs. He body slammed one. He electrocuted several. He hung others. And let's not just look at how he did it. Let's look at why. He killed the dogs because they didn't perform well enough in his illegal dogfighting ring. Dog fighting is barbaric. Any animal fighting rings are barbaric and despicable. Killing animals because they don't perform well in those situations is equally barbaric and despicable. I for one couldn't imagine body slamming any animal at all, even if it were attacking me or mine! I could think of about a million better, faster, more humane ways of killing something that was endangering my life or someone else's. I could think of those ways on the fly, as well. Body slamming an animal shows to me that he got some sort of sick enjoyment out of doing it. So does electrocution and hanging. Why not just shoot it in the head? Seems like you'd go to a lot less trouble to me. Not that I would find it more acceptable. And I can't believe that they brought up hunting animals. People hunt to eat the animals! Hunters don't body slam deer! They shoot them in the lung, heart, or head and get it over with quick, then they pay homage to the beast they've just killed and eat it! These are animals that are effectively raised just for hunting. Hunting is not a crime because it's a means of sustenance for some families. I don't personally hunt anymore (I have before, but don't now for personal reasons), but I certainly don't have a problem with it. Hell sometimes hunting is a necessity for nature in order to keep individual ecosystems in balance. It's not a bloodsport. You're not pitting an otherwise innocent animal in a ring to defend itself and making a profit from it.

These comments made by the NAACP this morning are representative of what they're about nowadays. They have turned from an organization that was useful in the days after segregation in order to get everyone on board to an organization that will blindly defend "colored" people in any light, no matter how dim. It's ridiculous. Anyone who says this has anything to do with race is, in fact, a racist. Blacks are not the only people who employ illegal dogfighting rings. Perhaps the reason that the NAACP feels a need to defend Mike is because they feel that there is a stereotype with pit bull fighting and blacks. Perhaps they feel this way because black rappers glorify it. Perhaps they're right.

But that doesn't mean they get to defend it.

That means that they should use their time more wisely and attempt to find a means of eradicating the behavior from their oh-so-more-important "colored" people.

No one on Earth is more important than the next. Not the President of the United States. Not a cop. Not the mother or the father of a child. Not a black person. Not an Asian. Not a Caucasian. We are all the same and we all shall have the same chances with the same repercussions. Anyone who feels differently is either a racist or is looking out for their own idiocy.

I say Michael Vick never sets foot on pro ball field ever again. Let him rot in the European leagues for 1% of his current salary.

Peace, J

"Minorities"

2007-08-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

*DISCLAIMER: I am not wholly a "racist," at least not in a negative sense (meaning I don't hate anyone based on their skin color, and I try my damnedest not to prejudge based on it). I am a "racist" to an extent that I believe there are some common truths that exist only because of racism, or if you prefer the term (which I don't), "reverse-racism" (which to some people means being a non-Caucasian and being racist, which I find an extremely stupid term...you're either racist or not, and certainly being a racist has NOTHING to do with one's own skin color).

When thinking of a title for my blog today, I was racking my brain for a fitting epithet. Then it occurred to me that the most fitting title of all might just be the subject itself, albeit in quotes (just to add that little hint of a smack).

The term minority has historically been used in the United States to describe any person who was of a race that was in lower populace than the most-popular race of the region. (Actually, after some research just now, I found that it was first used in that context popularly by some European scientists in 1913.) Consequently, that meant that if you weren't a Caucasian, that you were probably a minority of the region you were in, considering the proliferation of Whitey in the US throughout the past couple hundred years.

Of course Whitey (aka Honkey, Cracker, Massa, Boss, Whitebread) is still the most popular race in the US, but that all depends on where you live. You see, I spent my teenage years in the Dirty South, where blacks and Latinos most certainly are NOT considered a minority (at least not by me). I spent the rest of the time before my teenage years in Louisville, KY, which a lot of you probably think is one of the most racist places in the US. Well, if you think that, you're ignorant. Don't take that term the wrong way. Being ignorant of a fact or some facts doesn't mean you're stupid. It just means that you have no clue what you're talking about on that particular subject. ;-)

Allow me to educate you: Kentucky is on the northern side of the Mason-Dixon line, Abe Lincoln fucking lived there and still has property there (any of you ever hear of My Old Kentucky Home?), and was a huge part of the Civil Rights Movement in the 1960's. As I grew up there, I congregated, befriended, and learned with a veritable mixing pot of different races. My Mother taught me in my earliest years that there was only one race: The Human Race. I still believe that today.

So now that you have a bit of background (if not a completely exhaustive one), hopefully the rest of this blog's viewpoints will make a bit of sense. If they don't, not to worry. It's not your fault. It's probably your parents'.

Today I read on CNN (sorry, it's an old crutch from my Army days) that Whitey is actually a minority in 1 in 10 US counties. That made me a bit happy to see at first, mainly because I despise the term minority when used in that context, and it felt good to hear it used the other way around. I don't believe in minorities when used in that context. It's untrue. No one is a fucking minority, and if I were black, Asian, or Latino and anyone ever called me a minority or referred to me as one, I'd probably jack them in the mouth. The only minority on Earth is a fucking panda bear and that's because they're too fucking stupid to breed.

We all get the same chance. If you do well in school and work hard at life, you're going to make something out of yourself. If you have no common sense, no ambition, no drive, no goals, and no desire to live life to the fullest extent, then yes. You're a minority. You're a minority then because you're not powerful enough to make it in life. Ever hear of Darwin's Theory? In case you haven't, it's based on the suggestion that only the strong survive. I believe in Darwin's Theory to a certain extent. I say to a certain extent because as a sentient race (again, The Human Race is what I'm talking about here) we have the ability to help each other out, regardless of where we came from, what we look like, or what life we've led.

I believe that everyone could use a helping hand here and there, but only to get them motivated. We all make mistakes and need a little help sometimes. We're only Human. Sometimes Nature makes life hard and wipes us out with Her tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes and other natural disasters. Sometimes our spouses get hit by a speeding bus and we're left without any income. Regardless of how it happens, it typically does happen to most of us at least once, and we could use some assistance. I'm perfectly fine with that. I'm perfectly fine with people making a mistake a time or two (most of you know I've made my fair share of them) and needing a little helping hand. However, if you don't eventually learn from your mistakes, in my opinion, you deserve to be left behind because you're just not fit for society. The same thing goes in the Animal Kingdom and we are no different with the exception of sentience. That sentience allows us a bit of leeway, but only a bit. If we go around helping out everyone all the time, we leave behind a lot of others who could've had a great chance and who could've possibly done something good for society, as opposed to some lazy idiot who's getting a full scholarship based on his or her skin color and not their merit.

Which brings me to the full point of today's blog. No one, and I mean NO ONE, should ever get a full ride or even a bit of assistance based on where they're from, what their skin color is, who their great-grandparents were, or how much income the demographic of their neighborhood makes.

Don't make enough money? Get a new job someplace where you will, or work harder at your job so that you can get promoted. That's called drive.

Not happy living in the 'Hood, the Boondocks, the Country, or the Big City? Save your money and move somewhere else. That's called common sense.

Not happy flipping burgers at the local McDonald's or working at the local factory? Go to college or tech school and learn about something that makes you happy. That's called ambition.

Upset because you weren't the star quarterback in high school or didn't get the Nobel Peace Prize for saving Darfur (we're still waiting, whoever you are)? Perhaps you should've followed your dreams. Those are called goals.

Desire, unfortunately isn't something you can really learn. That's where Darwin's Theory comes into the equation for humans. You either have the desire to get out of the shithole you live in (if you live in one...consequently I live in quite possibly the greatest place on Earth: Portland Fucking Oregon), or you don't. You either want more for you and your family, or you don't. No one can teach you that. No one really should. Desire is personal. What makes us all individuals is that we all have different desires.

If your desire is to live on a farm in the country your whole life and drive an hour just to get to the corner store, so be it. Enjoy that life because we appreciate the vegetables, meat, and grain that you provide for us.

If your desire is to live in Detroit, MI and build cars in a factory, so be it. Enjoy that life because we appreciate the cars you build for us to get to and fro (those of you who live someplace that requires you to drive one, that is).

If I were black, I would despise the NAACP, Jesse Jackson, the "Reverend" Al Sharpton, and any other person, black or otherwise, who felt like because of my skin color I was deficient, or "minor" (key word in minority). How come Asians don't have a NAACP? Why don't Latinos? Why is it just blacks? Sounds to me like someone needed a cash cow and is marketing blacks as stupid and deficient because of some mistakes that Old White Men made LAST CENTURY. And they do market blacks that way and they have turned it into a cash cow. Ask Al Sharpton how much money is in his bank account. Ask him how much he and Jessie make just for speaking on TV. How much of that money goes back to the black community?

I'm not picking on blacks. Let's take a look at the American Latino population for second. Latinos are some of the hardest working people on the planet. That's not racist. It's true. Look at the jobs they're willing to do that Whitey thinks he's too good for. All that food you're feeding your fat ass at the ritzy restaurants? It's created and prepared in fine fashion by Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, Cubans, and other Latinos. All those nice, cozy, cookie-cutter McMansions that you like to watch your kids grow up in? Hand-built with care by Latinos. And you know what? If anyone deserves a better chance than you or I, it's probably them. I say that because they have enough drive, goals, ambitions, and common FUCKING sense to get out of the crappy school systems, crappy pay, and crappy government that they live in and risk their asses crossing a border guarded by racist Old White Americans (aka The Minutemen) just to survive and provide more for their families. They are the true underdogs here. They come to a country where they don't speak the language and get paid shit to do jobs that we think we're too good to do anymore just to have something better than where they are. Now I'm not saying I would condone such a program, but I would certainly think higher of it than a program that helps people who were BORN in America and have 300,000 times the chance of survival than someone born in Darfur, Cambodia, Honduras, or Chechnya.

Asians? Don't even get me started. You need no assistance because you could quite possibly be ruling the planet in 20 years. Of course I'm joking (somewhat), but how many poor, uneducated Asians do you know? Exactly.

I'm not mad at anyone for being more successful than I have been or than I will be when I grow up. I'm not mad at anyone who has more ambitions, more drive, more talent, or greater goals than I do (although I might be a bit jealous at times, lol).

What I am mad about is perfectly good, talented, brilliant human beings getting passed-up to go to their dream school that they've worked hard for all their lives to get into just because someone thinks that another person's skin color makes them inferior.

What I am mad about is lazy, ignorant people sitting back and collecting a welfare check and filling the world with more ignorant, lazy people who will no doubt do the same thing when they get older because it's all they've ever known while me and my wife have to work our asses off just to go to college and eat ramen. Our taxes pay for your ignorant, lazy asses to eat. And don't think that I'm talking about only blacks here because I'm not. There are just as many white trash families and others doing the same thing.

If you do well in school and work hard, you will achieve every single thing you desire. I do know that.

Because the only people who do well in school and work hard that die hungry and unsatisfied are artists. ;-)

Peace, J

Depression :(

2007-07-26T11:33:00.000-07:00

What a sad state of affairs. Ol' Mr. Happy Go-Lucky (that'd be me), who scoffs at depression, is actually feeling a bit of it himself lately. This would be about the third time in my entire life that I've ever really noticed being depressed.

The first time was when I was in the Army in Germany and Bunny had all ready gotten out and come home to the USofA. I had to spend four months in Germany by myself and there was this overhanging fear that I might not be able to get out. I was definitely depressed and scared that I'd not see my wife again.

The second time was when Bunny was in college and we had little money and little time together. That'll make anybody depressed. I got over that eventually because I knew we had to get the Little Lady through school. It just had to be done, for several reasons. I was okay with that depression, honestly. I knew it wouldn't last long, and it really didn't.

Now I'm feeling it again. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to "party" (well, maybe a little bit, but only if I could be alone while doing it and that's never a good habit). I don't want to eat. I don't want to work. I don't want to exercise (and believe me, I know how much good it would do me; I just can't seem to come around). I just ate a bunch of chocolate, and that made me feel a little better. Jesus Christ I just sounded like a woman. Do men get PMS? Probably. We just don't bleed.

At any rate, ya it's definitely depression. Worst part is, I know why it is here and I am the root cause of it (which is probably the case in like 90% of depression cases). The reason I'm depressed right now is that we don't have any money and I want to be in San Francisco. Really superficial, huh? Well, you'd have to know me pretty well to understand, I guess. I'm a superficial fucktard. That fact doesn't make dealing with depression any easier, however.

I want to be in SF NOW because of obvious reasons. David, Jared, and another of our closest friends, Sara are all there, and best of all they all live within a few blocks of each other (well, Davey and Jared live together, but you get the idea). That would make living in SF a lot of fun, because those three people ARE a lot of fun. On top of that, both Bunny and I stand to make a lot of money in SF. I know what a lot of you are thinking. "But that money will be spent living in SF." Anyone who says that either hasn't lived in SF lately or is just blurting out what they've heard. Bunny and I did our research and the only big difference between SF and Portland monetarily is RENT. Rent exactly doubles. Parking is horrendous there, as well, but we aren't taking a car because cars and California don't mix for several reasons, most of which stem from the costs of having one there. With all that said, we really want to be there and I'm depressed that we aren't because I'm job searching like a mother fucker and can't find anything.

Jared had a line on a spot at his place of business but I was lazy and missed my opportunity. There are some other opps potentially coming my way via a recruiter who got Jared his job when he and Davey moved there, but she's a bit flaky (like any good Californian) and I certainly don't want to rely solely on her. I'm searching craigslist everyday and most of the jobs I'm qualified for aren't in the city proper, and if we're not taking a car with us, I need to work (and live) in the city. I know, I know...I just need to be patient and it will all work out. Thanks, Dad. I appreciate the help. :rolleyes: Again, that doesn't help with the depression.

Then there's our money sitch. We happen to be in the worst tax bracket you can possibly be in based on income vs. tax amount right now. We get taxed 33% of our income, and if you match that to our income, it's a big fuckin' hit. But I don't blame our current lack of funds on taxes, surely. It's through a combination of continuing poor spending habits, college, and past mistakes. All of which are pretty easily remedied. It's not like we have a coke problem. Heck, I'd be okay with that, seriously. At least then I'd be high on coke! Right now I don't have shit to show for being broke. No nice car. Not even a nice apartment, based on our last one. I got 130+ channels on our TV with a whole lot of nothin' to watch (because we've seen it all and Comcast shows the same shit over n' over).

It's okay, though. We're going to get through it. We just had to do the vacation in Kentucky and that cost us A LOT. I had to do it, though. I made a commitment to my family and friends there. I also made a commitment to Bunny to show her where I grew-up, because that's an important factor when you're married. I needed to follow through with those commitments because 1) I made them and 2) they were important.

Now that's over, we can relax a bit and start SAVING. We're at least gonna try harder. We make enough money to be able to save hundreds (if not a thousand) per month, and it's just fucking atrocious that we can't, aren't, and haven't. THAT'S why I'm depressed. Not because we're low on cash. Because we SHOULDN'T be and it's SHAMEFUL that we are. But we won't be for long. Bunny and Jack are gonna be good kids and keep tabs on our ugly, ugly spending habits. Don't get me wrong, either: Most of this is my fault (as if you needed to know that little fact). Bunny was doing fine before she met me seven years ago, and that probably adds to my depression, as well.

Oh and I forgot one other "little" fact that has me bent outta shape: Our computer has a Trojan virus and I can't get rid of it and it's my fault that we got it. No, I wasn't downloading pr0n. ("Pr0n" is Internet dorkspeak for porn, for those of you who aren't savvy.) I was actually downloading a hacking program for pirating software. Well the joke was on me, because what I downloaded turned out to be a Trojan virus and Mr. Microsoft Systems Engineer (that'd be me) didn't scan the file he downloaded for viruses like he should've (and like I preach to everyone to do). So that all leads to my depression as well. I guess it surmounts to the old adage, "never buy a car from a mechanic." The same could probably be said about IT professionals and computers.
Please don't worry about me if you are or were planning to. All these issues are my own and I choose to write about them because 1) I like to write because it feels good and 2) it helps to make me feel better (which is working RIGHT NOW).

I love you all and hope you're doing well. Get at me if you haven't lately (especially YOU, William).

Peace, J

My Old Kentucky Home?

2007-07-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

Greetings Everyone! As some of you may well know, Bunny and I just got back from a trip to my first home, Louisville, KY. It was my first time back in seven years, and Bunny's first time there, period. Overall we had a nice vacation. The weather was warm, which was nice, however the humidity level for the first few days was unbearable. It didn't take us long to realize why everyone had A/C in their houses and cars (unlike Portland, where we get milder weather typically and the summer is actually our dry season, not muggy season).

But the story doesn't start in Kentucky and the weather most certainly isn't the most intriguing thing worth talking about. This story actually starts in Portland's airport. We took a red-eye flight to Atlanta, which we boarded at 10:20PM PST. The flight was to take exactly 4 hours, and we figured we'd get some sleep on the plane. Well, that would've been fine and good, however I wasn't thinking things through all the way and got seats in front of the exit row. Do yourself a favor and never do that. The seats don't recline. At all. So not only were we in non-reclining seats, but we also got to look back at the smarties in the exit row, who not only get reclining seats, but also get the extra legroom. Grrrr...

So without sleep and moving about three hours behind, we get off the plane in Atlanta at 5:56Am EST which feels like 2:56AM to us. As we're droning through the Atlanta airport, Bunny and I took notice of the considerably fatter people in the Southern-based airport.

I said, "Ya, they cook their health food in trans fats in the South, babe. Get used to it."

So then Bunny eyes these devices hanging on the wall that were encased in glass with the words, "For Emergency Use Only: Defibrillator" on them. WTF? Emergency defibrillators? If you're not savvy with what a defibrillator is, they are those electrical devices that are used in hospitals to resuscitate people in cardiac arrest. Apparently, the obesity issue is so bad Down South that the fatties are dropping like flies just from walking through airports that they don't even walk in all the time (moving walkways)! Nuts. Just nuts. We honestly couldn't believe our eyes. There was an emergency defibrillator on nearly every walkway. But more on that later.

So we get to our gate and are waiting for our plane, however no one else is. I kinda took notice that we were in the "international" wing of ATL, so it definitely seemed like something was up. We stuck around for a moment before realizing we should go look at a reader board. We did that, and found out that our gate was actually in a completely different concourse. If you've ever been to ATL, you'll know what that means: Taking a train to the next spot. Long story short, we got to our gate via running through the airport and taking a train with about five minutes to spare. I blame our grogginess for not thinking to look at a reader board for updates when we got off the plane like we should've.

So we get to Louisville on-time at 9:15AM EST and my Mom looks great! She had lost 50 lbs. in 16 weeks, and was hardly recognizable. That made Bunny and I really happy. She took us to Cracker Barrel for breakfast, and that was good. We went back to her place and took naps for a couple of hours and just generally took it easy. The next day we got to see my Dad, step-mom, step-niece, sister, her husband, and my niece and nephew who I haven't even met, yet and he's four. It was nice to see everyone.

I went shooting with my sister, Dad, and step-niece that morning. I taught my sister how to pull a trigger, which scared the shit outta me that she owns guns and doesn't know how to properly use them. I told her she was going to kill someone she didn't intend to kill, and that's when she pulls out this 12-gauge shotgun that would make a Marine shit him/herself. The thing was insane. Retractable buttstock, shortened barrel, pistol grips, all that crap. I'm like, "What the fuck do you need this thing for?" She showed me. It doesn't matter how you pull the trigger on a shotgun, and that's exactly why she had it. You just point it in your target's general direction and pull the trigger. Kinda takes the sport out of killing people, but whatever. If someone's in your house and your children are at risk, I guess you're not thinking about "squeeze the trigger, don't jerk it." You just want to alleviate yourself of danger. Whatevs. Shotguns are for novices. Or blowing open locked doors. That being said, after I showed my sister how to properly pull the trigger on her .38 Special revolver, she was doing much better. Good. No more errant bullets.

Bunny and I went to the Red River Gorge the next day, and were all geared-up for a great day. We got out of the car at a popular trailhead for a geological area called Gray's Arch (named after a dude who fell from it and died), and were immediately attacked by deerflies. No biggie. My Mom sent us off with some deet, aka OFF! We put some on us and it didn't do a damn thing. So we figure we'll just move out and so will the bugs. We started walking at a rampant pace (like we do), and the bugs got worse the further in we went. So we're like, "fuck it" and we started jogging down the trail. Nope. Even worse! We started getting bitten at some point and that was it. We made a mad dash for the car back at the trailhead and jumped in as fast as we could. You could see the vehement little bugs pinging against the windows of my Mom's Saturn LS200. They were angry little fuckers, and some were even humping the glass.

We drove outta there as fast as we could, and moved to another spot on the other side of the Gorge. The bugs were a little less plentiful, but still prominent enough to make rock scrambling and climbing extremely dangerous. Alas, we got out on a rock named Half Moon and took some great shots, swatting the bugs all the while. Disgusting.

We moved on down the trail a bit more and found a picnic table to eat lunch at, and we did so without any disturbance from the bugs, oddly enough. Just as we were finishing, here they came! We again made a dash for the car and decided to call it a day with that. I'm never going back to the Gorge in the summer ever again. That was the first and only time I've ever been there in the summer. Bad idea, Jack. Lesson learned.

So we continue on with enjoying our vacation. We go to visit my lifelong best friend (we grew up next door for 14 years and are 11 months apart) named Paul and his wife who I hadn't met, Blair. Blair is expecting their baby boy in September. Paul hadn't met Bunny, either, so it was nice for us to get together and shoot the proverbial shit. Paul and Blair have a great garden that they use to raise crops which they sell at farmer's markets on the weekends. They made us eggplant Parmesan, green beans, and golden potatoes, all from their garden. It was really, really good! So we got to talking around the table, and one thing led to another and we started talking about Portland. Paul was pretty much disgusted with Portland, and that was certainly a first for Bunny and I. I mean, who doesn't like Portland?! What is there NOT to like about this place? Apparently he was pissed because a lot of people in Louisville are "moving out to Portland to start a band because the scene is so much better." A-ha! Jealousy! No worries, we know it's the best place in America to live. That's why we live there. I can get behind that.

So Bunny left disgruntled with that, and thought that Paul was making fun of her and didn't like her. I told her that wasn't the case, that he'd probably just been nervous, and we wrote it off as that. The next day, we went out n' about in Louisville and I showed Bunny around the old stomping grounds where we used to skateboard, where I went to school, and where we just generally fucked-off and got into trouble. We got into the "cool" end of Bardstown Road (the main stretch in the Highlands, where I grew-up), and started noticing some very Portland-esque ambiance all around us, like local brewpubs, wineries, and restaurants even baring some semblance to Portland's. Weird. Then it hit us in the face like Mike Tyson on Vanessa Williams. A bumper sticker that read, "Keep Louisville Weird" with one of those registered trademark "R's" on it. We both stood there with our mouths agape. I couldn't believe such a dastardly and blatant copycat had done such a thing! Everyone who's anyone knows that Portland's motto has been "Keep Portland Weird!" for 20+ years. It was disgusting. Now Paul's disgust with Portland was very, very easily read. He's mad because his town is trying to "jock" Portland. And with reason. It pissed me off and I haven't lived in Louisville for 16 years. That's my hometown and it's always had its own vibe. Sure, it was always like Portland in that it had a heavy artistic community, was a "blue" area in a mostly "red" state, had a thriving and good indie rock scene, and a lot of gay culture. But this was just terrible. Now the place I grew-up and was proud of was now jocking the place I lived (and was very proud of). Just horrible. Disgusting, even. I have a cell phone pic of the bumpersticker. Any good Portlander would probably vomit if they saw it. What a rip-off.

The drivers. The drivers in Kentucky are amongst the worst I've seen. My Mother included. People pulling all the way into pedestrian crosswalks. California rolls at stop signs. Everyone goes at least 10mph over the speed limit. Everywhere, not just the Interstate. And I am now thoroughly convinced that no cars are sold in Kentucky with turn signals. I'm serious, too. Like 99% of the people on the road did not use a turn signal, evAr. I scoffed at the report that said Portland was number 5 in the nation for most courteous drivers. I don't anymore. Our drivers look like saints compared to these idiots. But I knew better. I obeyed the traffic laws while there because you can bet your sweet bippy that the second you do something against the law, a cop is gonna come down on you with all their buddies like a pack of hungry wolves. They never get the main rule breakers. It's always the ones who never do it who get caught. Oh and you can forget about mass transit in Louisville. They have a bus line, with a few hybrid buses. That's cool, but the bus system is terrible and the only people riding it are homeless. Oh wait...that's Portland. That's why we all take the Max and Streetcar. ;-) So you basically have to have a car in Louisville, but you shouldn't drive because you'll surely be killed by these maniacal idiots. It's a conundrum.

So the rest of the vacation went pretty well, and we got home to Portland and spent the last three days of our vacation by going hiking and hanging out with our friends. It sure was good to get back here. I love Portland and so does Bunny. It really is the best place to live in the Pacific Northwest. Even though I'm not a native, I married into being one since I married one, and that's good enough for me. I can't put a "Native" sticker on my truck. But Bunny can. :D

I'll have another blog in a day or maybe even today, but I'll let the usual suspects know. You know who you are. If you're reading this, you are one.

Peace, J

Blog Changes

2007-05-04T12:39:00.000-07:00

Hi Everybody,

I've made some changes to my blog as you can probably tell. I was getting some complaints that the white-on-black was difficult to read, and I noticed it myself in all honesty.

It's too bad, because now I personally feel like my blog looks like shit. But whatever. I need to work more in HTML and less with Blogspot's "easy" layout engines. Once I get some new coding down, I should be able to come up with something a little more creative and aesthetically pleasing at the same time.

TTFN, Jack

PG-13 Horror Flicks?!

2007-05-03T12:17:00.000-07:00

Rant time again. This time, I'm attacking the MPAA and Hollywood.

It has come to my attention that as of the past, oh, say seven years, that Hollywood has been in cahoots with the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) on a means to make more money from horror films.

"Tell us Jack, what are they doing?" you might ask.

I thought you'd never ask! Let me tell you. I've seen so many new horror films (some remakes of old classics) coming out that are PG-13 rated that it's starting to really get to me. The directors and movie producers are trimming down their horror flicks as of late to get more kids in (in order to make more money off the movies), mainly due to the fact that kids love them and most parents hate them, therefore it's difficult for teens to get into R-rated horror flicks. So what are the kids doing now? They're telling their parents that they're going to see the new Harry Potter film and then as soon as Mommy or Daddy drops them off at the movie theater, they buy tickets to Grudge 2 and go watch that. Parents, your kids are smarter than you. Face it.

This is detrimental to true horror fans such as myself in many ways. What it does is tone-down the movie and make it more kid-friendly. Let's look at Grudge 2, for instance. Or even Grudge. Both of these films were PG-13, and they were okay. Not particularly scary by any means, but decent flicks. The trouble is, throughout both movies, I kept seeing scenes that I knew could've and would've been scarier if the money-hungry Hollywood execs that were producing the damned movie had not gone for the bigger bucks with the PG-13 rating.

It's just annoying when you're a true horror film lover and you're waiting to be scared, and the moment comes that you're supposed to be scared...and then nothing happens. Or worse, the camera cuts to black and you just hear a scream or guts flying about. Now don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily find blood n' guts to be that scary (seeing as though I've seen my fair share of them in real life, probably), and blood n' guts most certainly do not make a good horror movie good. It's the imagery that could be scarier. Instead of some atrocious monster such as Linda Blair in The Excorcist, which made a 12 year-old girl one of the scariest things I've ever seen, you get some watered-down makeup job or, even worse, some shitty CGI (computer-generated imagery) monster or spirit hanging there. I like CGI when used as a tool, but horror movies are better when they use physical special effects, in my opinion. A computer will never replace physical effects.

So now we've come to the deal that Hollywood has made with the MPAA. It used to be that if the genre of the movie was "horror," then the movie was pretty much automatically given the R-rating without further adieu, unless of course it was a kid's scary movie, like a spoof film or Scooby Doo. Now Hollywood has convinced the MPAA that they can make more money if they can somehow get more teens under the age of 17 to come see the movies, so the MPAA slackens the PG-13 rating a bit and voila! There you have it. You get watered-down horror flicks that could've and would've been scarier had they an R-rating. The amount of good parts that the editors have to take out of the film to achieve this PG-13 rating would make a horror film lover squeal with delight! Alas, the MPAA has such a strong hold on those prized ratings and Hollywood is so money-hungry that they're willing to compromise just to make that almighty dollar.

It's too bad, too. Too bad because Bunny and I will not give a PG-13-rated horror flick the time of day while at the cinemas. It's just not worth it. We've been burned by them too many times. We've walked out of now countless PG-13 horror films totally bummed and unafraid of anything that we just witnessed, and we're not doing it anymore.

Then there's the flip-side. There seems to be a select few movie makers who are going WAY too far with the R-rating nowadays. Let's take The Hills Have Eyes, for example. Dude. WAY TOO MUCH. I don't need to see a pregnant woman get shot in the head again, thanks. Melosovic all ready beat you to that one with his horde in Bosnia. Besides, that's not scary. It's despicable and about a billion other words synonymous with despicable. However, what is scary I suppose is subjective, so again, this is just my opinion. Hell what's scary to me is having a platoon of Kim Jong Il's finest troops bearing down on you on the 39th Parallel when you're out of ammo and down two Privates First-Class, so there you go. What's scary is true life. A movie about something that really happened is VERY scary and pretty much DEMANDS and R-rating because let's face it: The world is not rated G, PG, or PG-13. Hell the world is rated NC-17 in most sectors. And yet the Christians still try to hide their children away from the truth...but that's a different gripe that you can read about a few blogs down.

True life horror is the best horror, and perhaps I just contradicted myself with the whole pregnant woman getting shot in the head thing, but that's just bad taste to put that into a movie, honestly. I guess everyone has their limits, after all. (Sorry for bagging on you, Crazy Christians.)

Hollywood, get your act together and start producing R-rated scary movies again, please. That is, if you want the money of the ADULTS (who have more money than teens).

Hope everyone has a great day. Mine is going just peachy, thanks. ;-)

Peace, J

Goin' to California

2007-04-26T12:27:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing you can say about the Jack and Bunny Clan, it's that once we set our minds on something, we do it. Case in point, getting out of the Army years before our commitments were up. Finding jobs in the "real world." Getting college degrees at private schools that cost more than Harvard on salaries that would make McDonald's employees cringe. Moving to Portland (albeit from 12 miles away, but ya). Moving to San Francisco. Oh wait, you haven't heard?

That's right. Jack and Bunny are moving to San Francisco in the third week of January, 2008. It took but one visit for us to come to this goal. We went to visit our close friends Davey and Jared and Sara for a three-day weekend. It was spectacular! Of course it was a bit grainy at first but the first few hours are hardly anything to judge from. Unfortunately the last portion of the last day wound-up being nothing to judge from, either, but there were some...er....full bladder prediction problems in classic California bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way back to the airport that made that particular situation a bit "sticky."

So, first few hours and last two hours of our visit aside, we had a lovely time with all of our friends and really fell in love with the place. It took us a couple days after the trip to come to this realization, but we finally decided that we want to move there for several reasons.

1) To be closer to some of our closest friends, even if it means being farther away than some of our other closest friends (sorry Ed, Nate, and Portland Peetniks...we love you and will miss you).

2) We want to dance again and be a part of a scene that we haven't been a part of for years. That particular scene, the electronic scene, doesn't have a scene here in Bridgetown. It's all indie rock and punk rock here, which we like a lot and is a big part of our lives, but not nearly as big as the electronic scene is (was) to us. We embraced the indie scene here in Portland while we lived here, but now it's time for us to get back to our roots. It certainly has been fun going back to my teenage years and listening to all that lovely grunge.

3) San Francisco is a "bigger" city than Portland. By "bigger" I certainly don't mean in area, where Portland clearly has the upper-hand; I mean by population and caliber. It's just bigger that way. Consequently, that means that the corporate entities and jobs there are bigger, pay bigger, and have bigger opportunities, namely ones that might take us a bit further east (or west, depending on how you look at it). Our ultimate goal is to get to Germany in five years. San Fran could help with that by providing more funding and more opportunities, with the right employer.

4) Cost of living isn't that bad...if you're a DINK (dual-income, no kids). If you're a suburbanite and require a house with which to keep your boat, two cars, kids, etc., etc. in, then it's clearly not going to be the choice for you because houses don't come cheap and they don't come anywhere close to San Francisco. Apartments do come in San Francisco, alas they don't come cheaply, either. So that begs the question, "will my doubled salary cover my doubled rent?" Yes, it will. Especially when Bunny is also doubling hers. Groceries, beer, liquor, restaurants, and the like had a very negligible difference in price to what they cost here in Portland, and Portland is by no means an expensive place to live (although that gets worse with every Californian who crosses our border). The only real price differences we saw were in petrol and rent. Gas there averages $3.50/gallon regular, which might be the highest in the country for all I know. I wouldn't know because I hardly buy gas because we don't drive. $20 usually gets us by for at least a month. We wouldn't even be bringing our truck because parking is a real bear to mess with down there (and is also very expensive) and there's absolutely no reason to own a car there, same as NYC. I personally couldn't get my mind around why there were so many cars. I wouldn't drive there if you paid me to. So, the price of gas, parking, and car insurance means absolutely nothing to us.

So, there you have it. We're moving. For those of you who are just now finding out, I'm sorry we haven't gotten a chance to tell you in person yet. We tried to tell everyone we've come in contact with. We want everyone to know now so that you can all get the disappointment out of your systems now and it won't be such a surprise when the day comes. We have set a date and the plan is in effect to save as much money as possible, which consequently means that if you're not out playing disc golf with us on the weekends, that you probably won't see us much anymore unless it's at some sort of a party because we've moved into savings mode. Sorry.

P.S. Since we're in savings mode, we won't have any money for parties so if you want to throw us going away parties, please coordinate with everyone to make that happen. There will be parties...oh yes.

We love you all!!!

Peace, J & B

Know Religion, Know War...No Religion, No War

2007-04-05T13:31:00.000-07:00

There, I've said it. And to this date, this has been my second-most bearing reason why I am not religious. We'll get to the first-most bearing reason in a moment. For now...

I'm not blogging this today to throw my personal beliefs and values upon you. I'm doing this for a much more personal reason: To get it off my chest.

Religion (or lack thereof) is a personal choice; one that should be kept to you and you only, unless of course your religion requires/suggests that you congregate with others who share your particular faith, such as Judaism and Christianity. Religion is as personal as politics: Say the wrong thing to the wrong person and you might find yourself in quite a pickle. Just look at Iran vs. Israel. And no one's even talking to each other between those two countries! They're just straight-up pissed with each others' religions.

The fact that just about 75% of the world's wars have been fought over religion was enough for me to realize that perhaps, just perhaps, religion is a BAD THING. What god that any religion believes in (besides Islam, of course) would promote FIGHTING for their cause? That certainly doesn't hark back to anything I learned in Sunday school. Ya, ya, I'm a convert. BFD. It's not my fault my parents shoved that shit down my throat. What are you supposed to say at 5 years old when your Mother tells you it's time for church?

"Mother, I'm not really into it. I've never heard from God no matter how many times I speak to his ass and I know for a fact that it took way more than six days to create this byotch. Besides, Mother...who would Jesus bomb?"

At any rate, ya. How someone (anyone) could possibly justify either going to war or starting a war based on their particular belief (something you think is true but really have no fucking clue because you can't prove it) is beyond me. Just who would Jesus bomb? These fascist Jesus-fundies are so hell-bent against aborting tissue that has no mind (let alone coherence), yet the second they're able to drop bombs on the nation of Islam (read: terrorists), they're all for it. WTF people? How do you sleep at night knowing you're not only decimating a very young generation of American, European, and (most of all) Middle Eastern men and women who haven't even had the chance to think about procreation yet, but you're also spreading a message of hatred across the entire planet. How dare you. Sometimes I wish that science was wrong and Christianity was right just so that you could "answer for your sins" when you got to St. Peter at the pearly gates. Just so that he could look down upon you and tell you to your very face that you were wrong for living your entire life in fear, ignorance, and hate. And the Lord did say, "On to Hell thy go, fuckstick."

It might seem like I'm bashing only the Christians. I'm not. I despise all religions equally, except maybe for the Hindus and Buddhists. Why? Because they promote PEACE and they SHOW it in their actions. Christians promote peace from behind a facade of righteousness, and act with ignorance, fear, and hatred every chance they get! Don't believe me? Start looking a little more closely at the world going on around you, then.

Muslims? Hatred of any and all infidels. What's an infidel? You are, if you're not Muslim.

Satanists? Shit. They've probably got it better than anybody else, honestly. Love thyself. Indulge thyself. Have fun during life; it's the only one you've got. Not once did I ever see anything in the Satanic bible regarding killing anyone or anything. Sure there's a lot dealing with dead animals' blood, but nothing about the act of killing one (including virgins...Hollywood bullshit). Interesting...I wonder if that saying regarding history being written by the winners rings true here?

Jews kill, but only because they've been shat on by others throughout history for, you guessed it, being Jewish. Nice, people. Way to be tolerant. Poor fucks. I'd be pissed, too if I heard that 6 million Swedes got slaughtered. It's not like they can help being Jewish (or at least Hebrew) anymore than blacks can help being black or Latinos can help being Latinos.

If I left anyone out, go ahead and read whatever bible your religion is based on and I'm sure you'll find lots of subject matter promoting ignorance, fear, and hatred. If not, then congrats. You've probably found yourself a nice, decent, religion with which to take home to Ma. Now if you start hearing from the god(s) that your particular religion requires communication with, please contact me at your earliest possible convenience. I have some fucking questions I want answers to, and I'd be more than happy to devote myself to a religion with an available deity in order to get some answers.

I said earlier that I'd come back to my first-most bearing reason as to why I'm not religious (Christian or otherwise). Right around when I was in middle school taking Earth Science, we learned about this event called a "singularity." This event happened approximately 13.7 billion years ago. Astronomical number, eh? Ya I've been trying to wrap my mind around it myself, but face it: the universe is just too big for our little, stupid, peon brains to grasp (unless you're Stephen Hawking, who is about the closest thing to a Jesus Christ as any of you retards will ever know). This "singularity" is a little better known as the Big Bang by most cultures who have a scientific (read: fact-based) structure.

At any rate, I've heard fundies (all fundies, Christian or otherwise) defend their religious beliefs (why do they need defending if they're the Devine Truth again?) by asking me (answering questions with questions is always a great way to debate) "how do you know that the Big Bang isn't just the way God/Allah/Yahweh/etc works?" And to that, quite honestly, I have no answer. I can't answer it because *gasp* I can't prove it one way or the other! Holy shit! What a concept! So there you have it. It could quite possibly be the work of some deity. I'll probably never know. And neither will you, and neither will your sister, and neither will your sister's girlfriend's dog. You know why? You'll all be wormfood at any second. That second might turn out to be a year. It might be turn out to be fifty years. But you'll never know until it happens, and then you won't know dick. Because you'll be dead and to quote Pvt. Joker from Full Metal Jacket, "The dead only know one thing: it's better to be alive."

Have a nice day, folks! Glad I could bring a little ray o' sunshine into your lives today! By-the-by it is 75° here in Portland today. W00t!!!!

Peace, J

Here We Go Again...

2007-02-09T12:42:00.000-08:00

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/02/09/gates.iraq.iran.ap/index.html

So it looks like I was wrong about Gates. I thought he was going to bring a "new perspective" to the war in Iraq. I suppose maybe has. The new perspective, of course, being that the war is now in fucking Iran. I am really starting to get angry here.

How on Earth are we to believe anything this administration says? So we have "pretty good" evidence that Iran is helping insurgents in Iraq? Just like we had 100% conclusive evidence that there were WMD's in Iraq? Yeah, right. Somehow, I think we've heard this one before. Now I know I was wrong about Kim Jong-Il and North Korea being our next target...but have no doubt...I think this is a precursor to war in Iran. Now all of my fellow Cav Troopers are going to be shifted from Iraq to Iran. So Congress wants the war in Iraq to end? Sure, no problem! But they didn't say anything about Iran! I can almost hear Bushie saying it himself.

I thought Gates was going to fix things. I honestly thought things might get better. Nope. Bushie and his team of thugs are going to get every single iota of warfare started so that the poor Democratic President who takes office in '08 can take the blame for cleanup. I feel so bad for whoever takes office in '08. If I were currently in the running, I would withdraw right now in order to save myself from blame later. Because that's exactly what's going to happen. This administration is brilliant. At deceiving The People, that is.

Moving to Germany sounds even better now than it did four years ago when we invaded Iraq. If there is a god that oversees this universe (which I doubt heavily), may it have mercy on the Iranians once this administration's thugs set foot there. Ahmadinejad, you might want to move. They're coming for you. And last time I checked, 66% of your "followers" are against you. Kind of like the US vs. Bushie. Hmmmm....

Why Don't We Want Kids?

2006-10-18T17:22:00.000-07:00

*DISCLAIMER: Both Jack and Bunny love children. Children love Jack and Bunny probably more than they like you or their own parents. Children are indeed the future of the human race. The following commentary is not intended to be read as child-bashing. The author and his wife just don't want children of their own. This isn't meant as a bash to anyone who has children. You are to be commended for being so strong and bringing a life into this world. Cuz I sure as shit wouldn't.
-Thank you.

It's happening a lot more often lately. Now that we're into our sixth year of marriage, more and more of the people my wife and I meet and some of the people we all ready know are asking us, "So when are you two having kids?"

Get over it, people. We aren't having kids. At least not at this juncture and most certainly not any time soon. What's the big rush? Germans don't get married (on average) until their 30's. Some don't even procreate until their 40's. That old American Dream where people were married with two children and a house by the age of 28 is gone. At least, as it stands with us it is. Why is there such a stinking rush to have children? Why not just be married? Why not spend your formative years of marriage with EACH OTHER rather than spending two months getting to know each other, then introducing some baby squid into the world (at least, that's what they look like to me).

There are many reasons why my wife and I choose not to have children. Let's look at some in depth:

1) We like money. We do. We don't have a lot right now, and I couldn't imagine what it'd be like if we had yet another mouth to feed. Not to mention diapers. Not to mention toys. Not to mention school. Not to mention insurance. Not to mention another car. Not to mention college for yet another person. Not to mention all the things that the thing would want in-between all that. ARGH! "What is it kid, do you think you're better than the kids in China? Go get a job at a sweatshop making shoes!"

2) We like each other. Parents fight when kids are introduced into the family. Marriages are exactly RUINED by children in many cases. The both of us are from broken homes, my parents divorcing when I was three and Bunny's divorcing when she was seven. Children cause heartache, headache, financial problems, emotional problems, stress, they make things sticky...all these negative issues that can (and in most cases do) lead up to fighting between parents. We enjoy each others' company just fine, thanks.

3) We like the way we look. In nearly 100% of the cases of childbirth, the mother never fully recovers to the body she had before. On top of that, the father (somehow, possibly due to increased intake of beer due to stress from having a fat wife or caused by the child itself) takes on at least twenty pounds. If fat runs in the mother's family, she's dead meat. If she's got "birthin' hips" all ready, fuggetaboutit. She's gonna be a plumper mom. I love being fit. I love my wife being fit. Is having a child worth risking the body you've worked so hard for all these years?

4) We like our time together (and apart). Kids take time. Having kids takes time. It takes YOUR time. It takes time from BOTH of you. Before and after pregnancy. This just doesn't suit us. I like my time. I like playing video games. I like watching 'R' rated movies with lots of sex, drugs, and violence in them. That's not good for kids. It certainly wouldn't be for any kids I owned. I like to workout. My wife likes to workout. I can't rightfully have my wife running through the house watching FitTV in a sports bra and some short-ass spandex shorts with a kid in the house, now can I? "Daddy? What are those things that Mommy has on her chest and why do I like them so much?" Ya. That would be BAD. And that's just your own time. You can forget spending time together. When do you find time to make love once you've got some Curious George snooping around, looking for someone to get the crap out of his pants? When do you find time to have "Movie Night" or "Night Out on the Town?" What about drinking? A responsible parent can't be all trashed in front of their kids (or anyone else's, for that matter). It's just not kosher.

5) The world is populated enough. And we don't think it's our "God"-given right (if you believe in such a thing) to squeeze out pups. Just because you can jump off the Brooklyn Bridge doesn't mean you should, ya know. Why bring a kid into THIS world? Full of hate. Full of religious zealots. Full of Big Oil Pushers, War Profiteers, Nuclear Missile-Toting Madmen, Gang Violence, Drug Traffickers, Rapist Soldiers, Anthrax and AIDS, Mad Cows, Shitty Spinach, Tire-Popping SUVs, Inept Senior Motorists, Spontaneous Combustion...why, I ask? Is the shit you watch on the news something you'd like to remember forever? I wouldn't. As a matter of fact, sometimes I feel as if I'd be better off not existing at all than to have to sit through another Presidential Address from Ol' Bushie. I swear I get dumber every time I hear him speak. Why would you inflict such punishment upon another human being?

There are a multitude of other reasons that we don't have kids and don't want them right now. But I won't bore you. And of course, there are, with all these reasons NOT to have kids, probably plenty of reasons to have them. I realize this. I'm not some 13 year-old snot-nosed punk ranting about shit he hasn't all ready contemplated (and if you believe that, I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you). I know that there is worth in children. Hell, I was a kid once. In fact, I still am. You know why?

I DON'T HAVE KIDS.

I've heard it from many of our friends that have children (who we no longer speak to nearly as often as we did because *gasp* they have kids and can't play with us anymore) that there's nothing like it and your whole life changes (whether you wanted it to or not, apparently) and blah, blah, blah...You know what? I think you're just saying that. I think you're all just saying that to make yourselves feel better for not wearing a condom like you should've nine months ago. I think you're all just saying that to make yourselves feel better about not being able to have sex in every room of the house without a care in the world anymore. I think you're all just saying that because you realize there won't be anymore nights you don't remember anymore (which is probably a good thing, actually...nevermind that last quip).

Don't grow up so fast, people. You'll be glad you didn't when you make it to 30 and you still look like you're 21. Or 40 and you still look like you're 30.

Keem Jong Eer

2006-10-11T16:46:00.000-07:00

There are going to be a lot of Team America movie references in today's blog, so sorry if you haven't seen it. If you're a reader of my blogs and you HAVEN'T seen it, you really should. You'll love it.

With that being said, when is Keem Jong Eer (that's Engrish for Kim Jong Il) going to unreash Aric Bardwin on us?

"Ah, come on, Hans Breext! You blaking my bars here, Hans! You blaking my bars!" Says the silly little Keem.

On the serious tip, I really hope that we're able to come to a resolution without the DPRK declaring war upon us. That would totally suck. I think the little bastard knows EXACTLY what he's doing, too. He all ready knows that the world hates us. He knows that any preemptive strikes/actions made by the US would only further make us out to look like the cowboys the world all ready thinks we are. It would only substantiate what the world all ready thinks about us. Normally I could give a rat's ass what the world thinks of us, but right now it's kinda important that we just keep to ourselves. And Mr. Jong Eer knows this.

Anyway, it will be interesting to see what the next few days/weeks brings. I hate being on the West Coast right now. If the DPRK does have missiles and nukes, guess where they're all headed? Yikes.

2006-10-10T08:42:00.000-07:00

Well, I would post up pics of a nuke and Kim Jong Il, but wait! Oh I all ready have, like two months ago! Man am I good or am I good? I should run for fucking President or something, I swear.

Okay, enough of me inflating my own head with my perfect predictions and on with the rants. So in one hand we've got the DPRK (Democratic People's Republic of Korea for those of you who didn't know what North Korea refers to itself as) reporting that they've successfully tested a nuke and, to quote the Yonhap news agency (South Korean news), "We [North Korea] hope the situation will be resolved before an unfortunate incident of us firing a nuclear missile comes." I hope that the Yonhap news agency is credible. At this point, they have no proof that anyone from the DPRK has said that. At any rate, supposing they did say that, that's pretty bad for us. However, in the other hand...

We've got John Bolton telling us that the US isn't even sure that the DPRK has tested a nuke at this point, and that the US isn't even sure that one of the DPRK's missiles is capable of reaching our shores in the first place.

So here's the conundrum: We can't trust the DPRK because they're "Evil Commies," so there is a chance that Kim Jong Il is just blowing smoke up our collective asses and trying to use nukes as a scare tactic to get what he wants from the US (which wouldn't be out of character for him at all...remember May 1997; I do, I was there). Conversely, we absolutely, under no circumstance can trust our own government (and if you do, chances are you live in Ohio, Indiana, or Kansas and live a sheltered, Christian life), so are they lying to us in order to keep us from being scared? The "measurements taken from the West," to quote CNN, don't match-up perfectly with the measurements that all the countries that actually border the DPRK took. That lends itself to scrutiny right there. Some in the West are saying that the blast was equivalent to 500 tons of TNT. But who do we believe?

This is the current state of the world today, people. I wish I had an easy solution. I would say that I'm more for sitting back and waiting to see what the DPRK does than I am for taking preemptive action. We have missile defenses for just that reason. Of course, I would rather not have to test them in such a manner, but if my memory serves me correctly, we just tested them successfully in August, so we should be okay. Right?

And then there's that terrible, US Army-trained combative side of me that would insidiously enjoy like nothing else in the world nuking the DPRK from outer space to rid the world of their "Evil Commie" ways.

I don't hate the DPRK any more than I hate Current America.

I just like watching shit get blown up.

2006-10-03T16:22:00.000-07:00

This serves as my latest Republican Party (GOP) action tactic.

deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny.

Thanks for reading.

Jackattak

2006-07-27T08:49:00.000-07:00

It's only a matter of time now, kiddies.

1) Ol' Condie's calling for troops to backup Lebanon in order to clear out Hezbollah (and if you think that the UN suggestion she made means anything and the US wouldn't be the primary force, I have a bridge to sell you).
2) Al Qaeda's calling for more troops to backup Hezbollah to clear out Israel.
3) Iran and Syria are teaming up to backup Hezbollah in clearing out Israel.

I said it three weeks ago and I'm saying it again now: We are staring WWIII in the face, people. And I hope like hell I'm wrong. The last thing I want is WWIII, but if you don't see its obvious predispositions here, then you've got another thing coming, I'm afraid.

60 Islamic militants left Iran for Lebanon yesterday to join the fight against Israel. The AK-toting militants ranged in age from young teens to the downright elderly. Tomorrow I bet 100 leave to do the same thing. Next week it will be by the hundreds. Once the rest of the gang sees how easily they can get into Lebanon and join the fight to get into Paradise with their virgins, I think they'll be moving out in droves.

Israel's got a tough job ahead of them, and I hope they're prepared. Of course, they've got our help, unfortunately (or fortunately if you're a warmongering Bushie). More and more of our children will be going over to die in the name of the War on a Noun (read: Terrorism).

I don't have any ideas on how to prevent this from happening. I don't think anyone or anything could prevent it from happening. We all knew WWIII was imminent, and has been for nearly thirty years. It's about time, I guess.

Or maybe I'm a victim of the media hype and I'm just being gullible in believing what they're feeding me. No, not maybe. Hopefully. I certainly hope so! I mean, who wants WWIII?!

I doubt that the US is in any danger as a whole, although the children of our poor are in quite a bit of danger, considering they'd be the ones who would be doing all the dying. I personally think that the US should start a 2-year mandatory service requirement (like every other country on the planet), that way maybe these damned politicians wouldn't be so eager to start wars if they knew that it would be their own teens going to do the fighting. At any rate, I doubt that the war would hit our shores, at least not from an invasion standpoint. You'd be hard-pressed to invade America, with all our gun-toting freedom fighters (like me and mine). This We'll Defend, indeed. And I would, too. To the death if need-be. But that's probably quite obvious. I don't know of:

1) Any Libertarians who don't carry guns and
2) Any Libertarians who wouldn't defend this land to the death.

Have a good day peeps. Wish I had better news for all of you, and again, I hope like hell I'm wrong. Peace, J

2006-07-19T12:09:00.000-07:00

Way to go Bushie! http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/07/19/stemcells.veto/index.html
His first veto in 5 1/2 years in office and the guy decides to use it on something that could quite possibly save the world someday, stem cell research. If I am made to keep shaking my head in shame, Bushie, it's liable to fall off eventually. Retard.

All in the name of morality, decency, and Christianity, right? Bullshit. What's so moral about warfare pal? What's so decent about the "S" word? Who would Jesus bomb, G-Dub? I love how the whole "moral issue" excuse is always used when it best suits his Religious Right Agenda, yet the whole damned thing goes flying out the window when our oil is concerned.

We need stem cell research. Sure, it has the possibility of extremely dangerous consequences if placed into the wrong hands, but so do guns, bombs, nukes, bio weapons, and a number of other things that we have somehow kept from ending the world for the past thousands of years. There's always going to be extremely dangerous new technology. But we must progress, and in order to progress now, we need stem cell research. Would making humans live longer, stronger, and healthier lives be such a bad thing?

"But then you're playing God! If God wanted us that way he'd have done it himself!" I can just hear the Religious Right screaming. You're all assuming that I believe in a god in the first place. You know what? I'm getting really tired of the Religious Right running around claiming God this and Jesus that and effecting my life for the worse. If your God wants so badly for us to live a certain way, let him come down here and tell me himself. Or hell, send us Jesus again. He seems to be a popular dude with most of these people. And don't get me wrong, I'd listen and repent all the way to church if he came down, too. With my tail between my legs and belly painted yellow. But until that happens, you Crazy Christians have GOT to stop making our lives hell based upon your fairy tale of Jesus being a prophet and some entity named God that no one on Earth has ever spoken to, seen, or heard from in their entire lives creating the universe. It's beginning to have serious implications, such as today's veto of the stem cell bill by ol' Bushie.

How many lives need be lost from cancer until we say okay to this? How many more children need be born with multiple sclerosis or down syndrome before we okay the bill? How many more of our grandparents need to live their last twenty years on Earth in complete and utter anguish due to Parkinson's before your agenda of morality can be overlooked?

I'm personally all for living forever. I'd do it in a heartbeat if I had the chance. After all, to quote Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket, "The dead only know one thing: It's better to be alive." I'm all for cybernetic prosthesis, bionics, and most any manner of human augmentation if it suffices the human's needs, and I'd also try it out myself if the chance ever came about. Who wouldn't want to be able to see in nightvision or thermal vision? Who wouldn't like to be able to pick up a Honda with one arm? Who wouldn't like to be able to run 60mph? And just think about the improvements to the environment! The only emissions we'd be worried about then would be from a particular bovine animal (cows...and if you think I'm joking: http://ucce.ucdavis.edu/files/filelibrary/1529/19250.pdf). Think of the gas we'd save!

At any rate...you get the idea. I'm all for stem cell research and human augmentation. The Religious Right is using the assumption that we all believe in their God to stymie this bill. Of course we'd have to control it just like we control nuclear technology, bio weaponry, guns, etc. Without that control in place we'll be overrun by some madmen (or women...Bunny's currently in a pro-female elective class so I'm more aware of women's rights at the moment) who have created a super race to dominate the world, or some other equally terrible fate.

Happy Hump Day Everyone! Peace, J

2006-07-18T13:50:00.000-07:00

So how 'bout these idiotic Americans who are screaming and crying for the US to get them out of Lebanon? Here's a question for all you retards: "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!" I mean really. What possesses an American to say, "Hey honey, let's you, me, and the kids visit Beirut this summer! I hear it's a wonderful place, what with a government ran by terrorists and constant fighting for the past 4000 years! Sounds great, don't it?"

In 1983 would you have traveled to Russia? In 1968 would you have traveled to Vietnam? How about a nice, relaxing trip to Nazi Germany in 1940? A little advice for you fools: As an American (especially a white one), you do NOT go to countries whose governments are on the CIA's list of terrorists.

I can hear them now, "But we wanted to experience the culture!" Well, welcome to the culture of the Middle East! War! That's the culture. Hope you are enjoying it. If you ask me, they're all Darwin Award winners. Don't get me wrong, I have no problems with international travel. Hell I felt safer in Germany in 2002 than I do in America now (and I probably was). But I think I just know better than to go waltzing into war zones. Or maybe that's just me. Is the rest of our country really that stupid? Quick answer: Yes. And if you don't agree, then how do you explain Bushie running two consecutive terms?

*crickets chirping*

I'm still waiting...

*crickets chirping*

That's what I thought.

Anyway, that's my only thought/rant today. Just saw this picture on CNN this afternoon and heard some whining from these fools last night, and it finally got to me. Final note for all of you still stuck in Lebanon: The next time you decide to go to the Middle East, pack your assault rifle. What's that you say? Then you won't be able to go because they won't let you on the plane with one? Exactly.

Peace, J

2006-07-17T12:03:00.000-07:00

The Sh_t Hits the Fan! http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/07/17/bush.tape/index.html

So I wonder how all of Bushie's Crazy Christian* followers feel about him now? *Disclaimer: Jack doesn't actually think all Christians are crazy; rather, when you see the term Crazy Christian used here in Jackblog, it is referring to the evangelist and snake dancing varieties of Christianity, and any other flavor that could be labeled as fanatical. That all being said, I can't help but think maybe I've been wrong all this time? What he said, to me at least, wasn't really all that out of line with how I used to think he really was (like before the Iraq Debacle). I always knew the guy was a cowboy, but after the Iraq Debacle he started acting crazy and making these blatant lies and whatnot. Personally, I found his comment today to be right-on, and the fact that it was candid lends to a little bit of understanding on my part. It was a halfway intelligent remark, is what I'm trying to say, and it wasn't prompted by Snow or any of his advisors. Interesting indeed, Bushie.

So I had a conversation via IM traffic with a Mormon co-worker today. Nice and intelligent fellow who I'll refer to as Joseph (for obvious reasons). Joseph's ideas are mostly peaceful and helpful in nature. At any rate, he asked me if I had intel on whether or not Israel had nuclear weapons. I thought they did at first, but after a quick search I found out that not only did they not, but they never have, nor have they ever been suspected of having any. So no, they don't. Joseph's worried about the Middle East and the current situation regarding, well, practically every nation there. He's under the idea that we should just move everyone out of Jerusalem and destroy it (Jerusalem) all together. Not unlike removing the article of desire that creates animosity and turmoil between two or more little boys, like a toy fire truck or something. If you all can't play nice and share the toy, we're going to take it away. Seems like a simple and effective enough idea. Of course, it would never work because then the Muslims would have yet another idiotic reason to attack us. Anyway, it's a better idea than all-out war between the nations that could eventually progress into World War III, if it hasn't all ready. Which brings me to my next point...
Regarding these events: http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/07/17/mideast/index.html
What I think is happening is this: Israel is obviously one of our greatest allies. We helped them build a great nation with an armed forces to be reckoned with. They are quite possibly one of the only nations that could stand a chance against us in battle, if they weren't an ally. With that being said, who's to say that the US didn't have it in mind to use Israel to start WWIII when we were beefing them up in the 60's and 70's? Makes sense doesn't it? Israel plays like they're tired of the Palestinians attacking them and finally decides to fight back. The US gets involved to help protect Israel (which I know hasn't happened yet, but we're obviously not rooting for the Nation of Islam). Once the US gets involved, we just move on through the rest of the Islamic countries and wipe them out entirely. Sure Islam has the most followers in the world, but the US could have Mecca in their sights as a perfect way to deter further terrorism. With the "root of all evil" blown to smithereens, what direction would they pray in then? Up? I can just see it now...a bunch of Muslims tacking rugs to the wall and putting on Velcro kneepads to support them kneeling vertically. Funny. And please don't think I have anything against Muslims in general. I have something against any and all religions that would use their faith to wage war, including Christianity. So no, I'm no Muslim hater. I hate most religions equally. ;-) At any rate, I'm getting off subject. I think we're preparing for WWIII and that this latest turn of events with Israel vs. Hezbollah is merely step one. Hopefully I'm wrong, but I somehow don't think so.

Turn to the other side of the world, North Korea. Okay now Pyongyang has said that the threat of UN sanctions for not abiding by the anti-nuclear proliferation act is only causing them to bolster their nuclear weapons cache. Great. Okay you know what? Time to die. You've become just a wee bit too cocky, junior.

Copperhead this is Ninja2, over.
Ninja2 this is Copperhead, over.
Fire for effect, North Korea, over.
Send it, over.
Fire for effect, North Korea, out.

Time to build China's billion-plus citizens a new parking lot. This is Jack's darker side writing, now. Remember, I was at one time one of our nation's killing machines, and although I have given it up and live a 90% pacifistic life, I still maintain that 10% because I'm a realistic man and I know that there is a time for everything, including killing the shit out people when the occasion warrants.

Hope everyone has a great week. I gotta get back to work. Peace, J

2006-07-13T16:18:00.001-07:00

You go girl! I think it's awesome that Val's striking back. I hope she wins, although I don't know what "winning" will actually entail. Getting millions from any of those retards won't hinder them at all. Them getting jail time would be splendid, however I doubt that would happen for conspiracy to ruin someone's career. Either way, good luck, Mrs. Plame. What an American! Hell she was CIA, can't she go SpecOps on their asses and take out their whole bloodlines with some deep-seeded Anthrax poisoning or something? Grrrrr....there must be a way! HAHAHA! Article I'm referencing: http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/07/13/cialeak.lawsuit.ap/index.html

And now for something completely different: Israel vs. Hezbollah. Round 1! Ding-ding! http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/07/13/mideast/index.html

Message for Israel from Jack Dorsey...Don't you and your people think that after losing 6 million of your numbers sixty years ago to the hands of Hitler, you'd have enough reserve to understand that war is wrong, no matter the cost? The IDF has some INSANE SpecOps, use them to strike at the big wigs you're after and call it a match. No need to drop pamphlets to the "civilians" (as if there are any non-combatant Muslims) letting them know when they're going to be bombed into smithereens. Just send in a couple Hebrew ninjas to finish the leaders off. Whatever. Never in a million years would I have thought that Jews would be so violent, after having been through what they've endured for so long. Point being...the Hebrew nation is very strong after taking such a hard and bloody hit years ago. Does Israel really think that they are going to accomplish anything with full-on war? Ridiculous.

Message for Hezbollah from Jack Dorsey...Duck and cover! That is all.

Hopefully we'll all wake up tomorrow and Israel will have their troops back and Hezbollah will...well...I'll be frank, I could care less what happens to those warmongers anymore. Screw 'em.

Have a great day everyone! :D Peace, J

2006-07-12T12:37:00.000-07:00

Greetings from the best kept secret in the United States (Portland)! Well last weekend was very nice. My Father (seen here) was in town for a few days, and we had a blast. It's the first time I've gotten to see him in a couple of years, since last he came. There are some pictures here to take a peek at if you like. Click on the pics for an enlarged photo (at least I think that works).

Pops got in early Saturday night, and he took us out to eat at McMormick and Schmick's. It was really good, and we had a great time there; we drank a bottle of wine and shot the shit for a few hours. Sunday we went out to an early breakfast with Bunny's parents at Kornblatt's on NW 23rd. That was yummy too. We took the Streetcar all 'round that morning, and Pops really enjoyed getting to see the Westside of Portland. Later that day we ditched Bunny's parents and went to a couple of vineyards, which I had previously never done.

It was a lot of fun, but I think it's way too pretentious for me. The people who work at the wineries are very nice, don't get me wrong. It's the customers who I found revolting. The wine was great though, and I suppose that's all that matters.

Monday Bunny had to work so Pops and I went on an early morning adventure up to Mt. Hood and a little beyond. I had never been to Timberline Lodge, so he and I drove to the summit where it lies and I got to see it firsthand, finally. Gave me the creeps! That's where Kubrick filmed The Shining, you know. I could almost see Shelley Duvall climbing out that little window in the middle! Scary as hell, man. But cool all the while. There were still actually quite a few snowboarders up there, too.

We traveled on through the pass to Warm Springs Native American Rez. Pops found it astonishing how the terrain goes from dense woods to high desert in just a few miles. We turned around and hit Trillium Lake on the way back, which I had never done, either. Got some cool shots there. Really pretty place. The best thing was just hanging out with my Dad, though. We talked about all manner of things while we were driving along. It was really cool to get back in touch with him.

All-in-all it was great to see my Dad. I really miss having him around, and I wish we could spend more time together. I can't wait until Bunny and I have the means to travel a lot. It will be nice to be able to visit everyone frequently.

Hope everyone's doing well and enjoying the summertime. It's been very nice indeed lately. Today it's raining, but we do live in Portland, after all. The only thing I care about is that it stops by this weekend. The Edster has invited us and the pups to the cabin on Lake Merwin for the weekend. Got a few speedboats, jet skis, all that stuff. The pups really love that boat! Especially Bonnie. She sits right on the front of it while Ed's going full-tilt. Hilarious! Anyway, hopefully the rain lets up before Friday.

Gotta get back to work. Happy Hump Day everyone! Peace, J

2006-07-05T13:28:00.000-07:00

Hope everyone had a great Independence Day! Ours was really fun. Started the day off on a bad note, though, as Comcast was unable to get our Internet going due to the fact that our apartment offices were clsoed and they were unable to access our cable room. Not a big deal, Larry the cable guy (no bullshit, his name was really Larry) is coming by tomorrow to turn on the cable and I'll just wire it myself. I'd rather he wire it, but I have plenty of experience running cable so whatever.

So after all that we went and did some grocery shopping in preparation of our party. Then we headed to a friend's hosue for a little 4th of July prefunk. Had a great time there. As usual, Dave had a couple kegs that kept things interesting. Played some frisbee, velcro catch with a tennis ball, and football, socialized with eveyrone, then headed back to our place to prepare for our party.

We had spinach artichoke dip, sourdough bread, and Bunny made some layer dip from scratch. Even the refried beans were from scratch! Fresh hand-diced tomatoes, fresh white onions, grated cheddar cheese, yum! It looked so good that Ed and I could barely keep form digging into it. Not to mention we had to leave it alone for a few hours before anyone even got there. Totally sucked...but it was worth it. More on that later.

So Benzo was the first to show. We hadn't him in a long while so it was nice to socialize for a bit before anyone else got there. Rachel and Ryan showed next, then Aimee. It was great time, and we finally got to break into that layer dip! Oh my goodness it was good! Bunny hit the nail on the head. Weird too, since it's not really anything that seems too special. But it sure was!

The fireworks went off as scheduled around 10PM, and our calculations were indeed correct. We couldn't have had much better seats than at our own house! The fireworks were all at about 10 o'clock facing east, which is exactly where I thought they'd be. Great display, we were about two block away so it was as if they were in our own backyard. The coolest part was the time it took the concussions to get to us. Ryan and I were both marvelling at this since it didn't seem like there should be much delay. But there was; about three second's worth, as a matter of fact. Weird. Great display though, we had a great time. To those of you who couldn't make it, I'm truly sorry but I hope you had a great time otherwise. We won't be doing this again next year because net year we'll be in a house, so this was a one time deal, unfortunately.

It was fun to have a little party. We haven't had a party in I don't know how long. This was certainly our party since we moved to Portland, and the general concensus was that it was a big hit! It was really nice to meet with everyone, too.

So I noticed that Lay died of a coronary heart problem today. http://money.cnn.com/2006/07/05/news/newsmakers/lay_death/index.htm?cnn=yes Not to be completely insensitive, but karma's a sonofabitch ain't it, Ken? Good riddance, honestly. Why this kind of stuff can't happen to Bushie/Rummie/Cheney/Turd Blossom I'll never know. But one can always hope...or pray, if you believe in that happy horseshit.

Peace, J

2006-07-03T11:40:00.000-07:00

Hello hello! Sorry I've been such a slacker lately, peeps. Not only have we been moving to a new apartment, but I've also had lots of really tough projects due at the end of June, so I've had precious little time for journalism (if you call this journalism). At any rate, enough with the excuses...

We are completely moved in now! We moved within the same building, just to the east side of the building and five stories up to the 8th floor. We have an absolutely gorgeous view of the Willamette River from both the bedroom and living room! Check the pic attached to this entry...you can click on it and view a larger size. Our best friends David and Jared came down from Seattle to help, Ed was totally awesome an helped out a ton even though he was getting over a crappy, summer time, allergy-induced cold, and William showed up on Friday night to move a few boxes for us even though he had an engagement to attend. It was great, and the moving process went so quickly! Now there's no more waking up at 3AM to drunk Salemite PSU students getting naked in our pool, hooting and hollering the whole time. We are sleeping like children.

Well, the 4th of July couldn't have come at a better time. As previously stated, our new pad overlooks the Willamette River and that's where all the fireworks displays are here in Portland. We have an absolutely stellar view (to use my good friend David's expressions) of the action, so should be fun. We're having over some people, nothing too major. Everyone be sure to have a safe and fun time tomorrow night. No blowing off fingers or toes because you were palying with the M-80s while intoxicated!

Is Bush dead yet? I haven't checked the news in over a week. Somebody wake me when it's 2008. Cheney, you should take Bushie, Rummie, and ol' Turd Blossom hunting! Sorry, had to get some political rants into this blog, otherwise there'd be nothing but personal shit to blog about, lol.

Peace, J

2006-06-22T08:21:00.000-07:00

Well as you all know we got the insurance settlement in our favor. We were quoted a substantial amount for damage to our truck, and have decided to take the offer. Best thing is, we didn't even have to deal with our insurance company nor pay a dime in out-of-pocket expenses. Now Bunny's tuition will be caught-up and we can get afloat. That's a nice feeling, although it's too bad that Alice, our truck, had to take one for the team. It's okay, I'll fix her up in due time and have her as beautiful (if not more) as the day Bunny first bought her brand new in 1999. So, good news there.

On with my morning blog! So in checking the morning news as I always do when I first get in to work, I saw this article on CNN.com: http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/internet/06/22/blogs.gasprices/index.html with a headline of "Rising Gas Prices Fire-Up Bloggers."

Okay. Well, I get to blog about it too, then. Let's talk gas prices, shall we?

Yes, they are high. Quite high, actually. However, they will only get higher if we KEEP PAYING FOR IT. From a strictly business standpoint, can you blame the Oil Giants? The fucks in Middle America and Suburbia absolutely HAVE to pay for it, no matter the cost, because of the choices they've made in life. If you CHOOSE to live 15 miles away from work in Suburbia and drive 30+ miles a day, that's the choice you've made. Either deal with it or move closer. If you CHOOSE to live in Middle America where everything is at least 15 miles away, then that's the choice you've made. No one is keeping you there but yourself. I have no remorse for these people who have gotten themselves stuck in some bullshit conservative American lifestyle. You reap what you sow, peeps. Besides, if you're so short on finances that you can't afford another $20 per month in gas, then you have more problems than just gas prices. You need a complete overhaul in lifestyle, if you ask me.

I live 2.5 miles from work in a beautiful, inexpensive skyrise apartment downtown. I ride my bike or walk everywhere I need to go. My wife is less than 2 miles from school and 20 blocks to work from home. She does the same. Our front door opens to the Portland Streetcar, which is free within Downtown Portland and runs every ten minutes. Yes, I am playing the smug bastard right now. Yes, I am smelling my own flatulence as I type this and you know what? It smells gooooood. And before any of you NeoCons goes crazy on me about the cost of living downtown or in the Big City or anything like that, realize this: My wife is in college. We have little to no extra money. We get by just fine, and we don't get any tax breaks for making babies like rabbits, because we CHOOSE not to have kids. Gee, there's an idea! Let's NOT grow-up to be our parents! Seeing as how their generation helped to create this fucking mess of a country we live in now.

I could care less about the gas hike, personally. Does it cost me damned near $80 to fill the 25-gallon tank on our pickup? Sure. But that lasts us forever, seeing as how we hardly drive anywhere except the grocery 2 miles away, twice a month. Our truck also has a V6 mated to a 5-speed manual and gets great gas mileage. You don't need a V8. Stop buying them. The gas prices have hardly effected us in terms of driving. What HAS effected us is the cost of stuff at the grocery. Prices have indeed skyrocketed, and it doesn't look as if they are going to get any better. For this I blame the trucking industry, and in turn the gas giants for lobbying against efficient rail service across the United States since the dawn of the rail system.

Look at Germany, for instance. I lived there with Bunny for a year, and let me tell you, they have quite a bit worked out. The entire continent of Europe is practically accessible by rail. There is hardly any reason to drive anywhere. And while I'm on the subject, Europe (and the rest of the world) has been paying this amount for gas for decades! And they seem to be getting along just fine. Getting along better than we are, for sure! That's because this country was built backwards, due to the Gas Giants lobbying like a bunch of punk-asses.

Here's what I propose we do in order to fix our dependency on oil: With that silly-ass $25-billion transportation budget that Bushie put into place last year, we could start building one hell of a nice rail system in the US. Get it going, at least. That will put a shitload of truckers out of a job. However, not to worry! They can be trained to operate trains! They can help build the rail system! There will still be a need for close-in truckers in order to get the cargo from the rail depots to your precious fucking Wal-Marts! Don't wanna quit your trucking job or your lifestyle? Too damned bad. In order to fix things here in the US, there are going to have to be some major changes. We are destroying the world slowly, one day at a time, and guess what? IT'S YOUR FAULT! All of you (including me)!

With this plan, our roads would not only be at least 30% safer, but they would also be at least 30% less crowded, with more citizens going for the rail option instead of paying out the ass for gas. Not only that, but our roads would LAST LONGER without all these damned 18-wheelers tearing them apart and creating hellacious ruts (if you've been to the Northwest where it rains 75% of the time and witnessed the ruts that these trucks make in the road due to the incessant rain softening it, you know what I mean). And just think what stumping the trucking business would do to the meth trade that has plagued our fine country. I bet it would cut it in half, at least. We would save billions in transportation that could be better spent on a more efficient rail system. We are the only major country in the world without one, and that's your Free Country hard at work for you there. We're so free that we allow criminals (some lobbyists) to buy out politicians' (more criminals) votes in order to stymie efficient rail service. To stymie alternative, recyclable, sustainable fuel sources. It's ridiculous! If you're not completely outraged, then you're not paying attention. And don't even get me started on this War for Oil. Yes, I can bitch about that, too. I've been in combat. All you college boys and conserva-fucks that think you get an opinion on the subject, having never served before? Think again. You get no opinion, sitting in your McMansion sipping pink lemonade while the kids swim in the pool. You get no opinion sitting in class, reading your latest NeoCon Web Forum, blabbing about how righteous this war is.

So those of you bitching about the price of gas...save it. You brought it upon yourself. You made the choice to have kids. You made the choice to live so far away from civilization in order to save money on your McMansion and raise those kids in a safe place. Doesn't seem like such a good idea anymore, does it? Your fault, not mine. Deal with it.

I have nothing else to say on the subject.

2006-06-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

Man, it's been a crazy past few days. Let's start when I left off, Friday.

Friday evening I was driving home on Sandy Blvd., minding my own business. I knew there was a car to my left in the left lane; I was in the right lane. We crossed Burnside and *WHAM!* the car sideswipes me out of nowhere. I reacted well...I cleared the intersection and pulled over to the two available parking spaces right across the street, and the other car followed. I got out to insure the driver was all right and assess the damage. It was just a '98 Civic, so the damage to our truck was luckily only aesthetic. The girl's Civic, however...lost her mirror, front wheel was banged-up, side was pretty well banged-up. We exchanged information and I called the cops.

The cops shows up and informs us both that the Portland Police Department does not investigate traffic accidents when there are no injuries and/or deaths involved. Interesting. Don't get in a traffic accident in Portland is the moral there, I guess.

While the girl and I were exchanging information, I asked her, "so...what happened back there?"

"I don't know..." was the reply she gave, seeming genuinely unsure of what was going on.

No problem. I know what happened. She sideswiped me in an illegal lane change across intersections. :D I know because I was there!

SO I get home and call my insurance company who tells me I can keep from paying my deductible and rental car fees if I call the girl's insurance company and go through them, explaining that she was at fault. Well, that seems like a no-brainer! So I did. I gotta tell you, I got treated like gold from both our insurance companies, which was nice and put to rest a lot of rumors I've heard about traffic accidents and insurance companies. Maybe things have gotten better after all the bad press.

So a claims officer got a hold of me later that evening and got my story, and that was that. Skip ahead to Monday. Claims officer calls and tells me that there was a discrepancy in her story and mine. Uh-oh. The worry meter just jumped up a tick. She claims that she thought I was supposed to turn right at the intersection and that's why she made an illegal lane change. Hmmm. So the claims officer had to go to the site yesterday and investigate the intersection, which he did. I got a call yesterday evening stating that they are accepting liability in my case and that everything will be taken care of. He is coming by today to assess the damage and write us a check. Better be a good one, I need to pay some of Bunny's tuition! :D I'll be sure to post what we get.

Backtrack to Saturday. We went to a great graduation party for our friend Jennifer, who is the sister of one of Bunny's co-workers and also a good friend of ours, Steve. It was a fun party and the picture you see at the top of this post is from the party. The kids at the party were as infatuated with the keg as we were, and stayed huddled around it the whole time. Although, they weren't interested in the beer inside. They were interested in putting ice cubes in their cups to suck on! Hilarious. They were also very interested in pushing the pump for people when they needed a beer. Awesome! So that's why I took the picture, with my camera phone no less. Not a bad shot for a camera phone, in my opinion. Looks like the kids are totally pouring beers. I love it!

Later Saturday we went to a dinner party at my good friend David's house. Had an absolutely fabulous shrimp and pasta dinner while hanging out and having anti-Bush conversations. David and his family have a beautiful home that was very inviting and pleasant to congregate in. We had a wonderful time playing with Emma, their black lab who is a barrel of fun! Overall great Saturday.

Well I'm better off working today than writing, considering the amount of work I have to get done. More on the insurance issue later. Have a great Hump Day everyone!

Peace, J

2006-06-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

No wild and nutty rants today, peeps. Just something that I found utterly hilarious in my Gmail Inbox this morning. An old co-worker and good friend of mine, David, sent me this underneath the picture of me that you see on this page:

Wanted Dead or Alive!
Evil-Doer, Egg hurling, Clothes Stealing Liberal. Approach with caution. Suspect is armed and prone to outbursts of anti-Republican swill. Someone should put food on his family. Wanted for espousing treasonous acts of verbalmage against our beloved GWB. There is a saying in Vantucky, "fool me once, shame on...fool, fool me once, shame on me"

For those of who you aren't familiar with the term Vantucky, it was a term coined by another very good friend of mine, Ben, who lives in Vancouver, WA. For those of you who are familiar with Vancouver, WA, I think you understand perfectly damned well what Vantucky means.

I was at work until 2AM last night with my IT Director. I devised a plan to restructure our entire data center. Everything from the cat5 cables to KVM switches was revamped. No more crazy cable madness (not that it was horrible to begin with, but needed a redo), no more switching through banks and banks of KVMs to (hopefully) get to the server you're trying to get to, all UPS's are now on their own dedicated circuits, all the servers are organized in their racks by function, all that. It looks wonderful and I got major kudos from many here. On top of that, everything functions perfectly and did so the first time. It made my Friday, definitely. My IT Director is buying our department sushi today! Yessssss!!!!

Bunny had a great first day on her internship yesterday, and likes the job very much. It's too bad because her crazy parents (divorced) were at it again, which soured her evening even worse than it all ready was since I had to work later than Dracula last night. Oh well, parents are parents. And hers are good ones, usually. We all have our moments.

Have a great weekend everyone! Peace, J

2006-06-14T08:22:00.000-07:00

All right you little shits! Yes, you! The ones in our pool at 1AM! Stop the insanity or else. It's gotten out of hand here.

Back story: Bunny and I have lived in our apartment at Portland Center for a year now. We have a nice pool with an adjacent jacuzzi and sauna. Problem is, the fence is short, maybe 4 1/2 feet, so people can jump it and get in regardless of whether or not the gate is locked (which it sometimes is).

This has been an ongoing problem since we moved in last year. We put up a huge stink about it last summer to the management, and it took me threatening to go to the local news channels with the story to get them to finally hire security, the cheap bastards. That helped to a certain degree, but didn't nix the problem 100%.

Now they're at it again, but this time the management has been replaced with newer, better staff that actually strives for tenant satisfaction. That being said, they were proactive and started up security again since it was deactivated over the winter time. However, I had to put up a little stink to get them to do it, and Bunny actually had to go straight to the building owner in order to get anything done. It's okay though, our management is very good and I don't blame them for the problem. They are doing the best they can with what they are given to work with, and we are actually very pleased with them all.

At any rate, the PSU students have been at it full force this season. They're even going naked from time to time. We had five kids arrested just two weeks ago for skinny dipping, and best part is, I got to watch them all get hauled-off in squad cars, waving all the while (and even threw in a nice, heartfelt one-finger salute to them all as the cars drove off). Security is good this year, and they have supplied us with phone numbers in order to contact them directly for more efficient resolution of issues.

Last night was a fucking disaster. We went to bed at our usual time, around 10:30 or so, and were asleep by 11PM. We got awoken at 12:30 by an absolute HORDE of kids, probably in the range of 19-21 years of age. There were at least eight of them, girls and guys alike, some of which (but not all) were naked! Normally this wouldn't be so bad...but there were naked dudes, too. Yick! Not only that, but the last thing on your mind when you're awoken past midnight on a work night is sexual desire. The whole thing kind of makes you sick, really.

These kids last night were making more noise than imaginable. They were absolutely out of control and had no regard or respect for others or others' property. We pay good money to live where we do, and we like or skyrise very much. It's despicable of them to disrespect and disregard this notion. We both personally hate the fact that we gave up our freedom to protect theirs at one point in time. It makes me ill to my stomach to think that we actually guarded these idiots from terrorists (well, at least the ones outside of our government) and now we have to struggle financially just to get Bunny through college while their Mommy's and Daddy's in Salem or Beaverton or Lake Oswego or Eugene or whatever other non-urban community they live in pay their stinking ways through college, not teaching their damned kids to respect others' property or hard-earned stuff. That's one of my tangents here...lol.

We called security and they were actually all ready en route to our location because someone else had beaten us to calling them. That was nice. So we went out on our balcony of our 3rd floor apartment which overlooks the pool and beautiful courtyard with tall birch trees to watch the action, because the action is always a nice bit of vindication for being awoken abruptly.

We watch the security guard go over to the fence and tell them all to get out. It seemed as though he was going to leave it at that, so Bunny chimed in.

"Is that all you're going to do? Excuse me, sir! Is that all you're going to do?!"

"No, I'm going to write a report," he replied nicely.

Write a report?! You mean you're not going to Tase anyone? I want them all kneecapped at least! These were my initial thoughts, and I was about to come back with a heated reply myself, and up walks a nice Portland Police Officer. Okay. Now maybe I'll get my much needed vindication.

Nope. He just scolded them a bit vocally and let them go. As they were all passing a tree that obstructed the police officer and security guard's view, I tossed two eggs at the males in the back of the pack and nailed one in the foot, who jumped a bit at the "pop" of the first egg which missed. I think he thought for a split second he had been shot at, which brought Bunny and I great pleasure. ;-)

So we get to talking to the guard and cop for a few moments, and they tell us what we've heard a thousand times, call the cops if they come back, tell apartment management, blah, blah, blah...and then we tell them our usual, which is ya, we've heard it before, thanks for nothing. So the cop replies, "have you ever thought of a paintball gun?"

Are you fucking kidding me, pal? Of course! I've thought of it a million times in the year of dealing with this madness. I even have a close friend, Ed, who is into paintball and has a few weapons of varying degrees of expertise, and would be more than willing to let me borrow one. However that's just a lawsuit waiting to happen. Of course, I am a crack shot with just about any firearm due to my combat time and Army training, and Bunny's no slouch herself having served as well, but a paintball gun is hardly what I would call a precision weapon at close range let alone 100 meters. What happens when I inadvertently fire a paintball into someone's eye? That's hardly equal payback for waking us up in the middle of the night. That's a bit extreme. Although the thought of smacking one of the bikini-clad bitches in the ass with a nice, red, .68 caliber paintball and hearing her scream in pain would be utter ecstasy for the both of us. Not to mention the complete mayhem it would create as they scrambled to grab their garb, laying more paint all the while. Dunno how many of you have ever seen these guns in action, but you can lay a suppressive fire that puts some machine weapons to shame. Hitting them in their backs as they fled in terror would be vindication beyond all.

Alas, this simply would not be an avenue I would (or will, heh-heh) use in a normal situation. I would reserve this for more extreme instances like last night, and use proper caution to insure no one gets critically injured. Time to give ol' Ed a call, I believe. Thanks Portland PD for the idea! I'll be sure to let the cops know you offered if they ever get involved as a result.

The paintball idea is good, but I had a better idea last night as I was thinking about it all and trying to get back to sleep. How about this: Bunny and I walk down the stairs to the side entrance that goes to the pool. Bunny props open the door to the stairwell and I run over to the kids' clothes and backpacks inside the pool area while they are busy being drunken idiots. I grab their clothes and packs, and head straight for the stairwell. Wearing long sleeves, they'll never see my tats so that will alleviate any chance of identification. The fact that none of them live in our apartment means they cannot get into our secure building! Even if they eventually do, we'll be inside our apartment quicker than their naked asses get organized well enough to follow and see where we go! Then we have their gear and leave them either naked or in swimsuits! It's almost diabolical! We are in love with the idea so much that we are planning to do it first chance we get. Whether or not we return the gear, sell it to a consignment shop, or wear it as a trophy around town depends on the quality of said gear. Hell I might just leave it all on the street corner for a bum to rummage his dingy, dirty fingers through or just give it to one personally. Of course, this method is completely dependent upon them being in the pool and not the jacuzzi. The jacuzzi is too close proximity to their gear usually, and too close proximity to the gate and too easy to follow me. But still, it's a perfect measure to get some vindication. Wearing a hat and/or balaclava (ski mask for those of you not familiar with military terms) will further obstruct the ability to be positively identified. And what are they going to say, anyway?

"Hi I was trespassing drunk and naked in someone else's pool at 2AM and they stole all my clothes and bookbags! Help me, officer!" Yeah, I'm sure that Portland PD will jump right on that one! Absolutely evil and perfect in all it's sinister glory! Muhahahahahahaa!!

This all being said, we are moving to the other side of the building and higher up, to the 8th floor, on July 1st. Then all our issues with this will be resolved. Too bad we didn't think of this plan earlier, we could've stood to make some more money and save money on clothing and bags, haha!

Thanks for reading, folks. It gives me some alleviation of my dreary, sleep-deprived day to write all this down. And if any of you think I'm stupid for putting this on the Internet as proof of criminal activity, you don't know me very well, because I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! HAHA!

Know why? Because, there's a little song we Dorsey's like to sing, a modified version of a great tune by Eminem. It goes a little something like this:

Cuz you don't
Wanna fuck with the Dorsey's
Cuz the Dorsey's
Will fuck-in' kill YOU!

Again, thanks for reading! Peace, J

2006-06-10T13:58:00.000-07:00

It's a beautiful Saturday in Portland today. The Grand Floral Parade, part of the Portland Rose Festival, is today. Bunny and I watched it on TV despite living downtown, because the crowds around the parade are intolerable. People actually tape-off their spots where they want to sit! C'est ridicule! It was a beautiful parade, though. All the floats are made from flowers, seeds, and/or vegetables. It's a requirement for entry into the parade. Pretty cool! We sat up in our high chairs at our high table overlooking our courtyard and pool while eating breakfast and watching the parade. It was quite a relaxing way to start a Saturday, actually.

All that shit went out the window as soon as Bunny had to get back to her schoolwork. It pretty much sucks. I was then reduced to having to do chores. By myself, no less. Don't get me wrong, Bunny does lots of chores, but right now she has a huge project that is due on Monday so she has to focus on that, which leaves me holding the chore bag. Yuck! We need another wife. Yes, that would be nice.

"Wife, can you please cook us dinner?" I would ask as I walk through the door after a long day at work.

"Wife, I'd like the laundry done today," Bunny would request as she prepares for school in the morning.

"Wife, what's for breakfast? Are you going to do the grocery shopping?" We might mutually request.

"Wife, it's time for sex. Both of us at once, please. Thanks." Well, Bunny might have something to say about that one. On the other hand...

Yes, another wife would be nice in a perfect world. However, as a wise old man somewhere, somewhen once said, "wish in one hand, shit in the other, and let me know which one fills up faster."

So the chores continue to get done, and life goes on. Besides, it's not all that bad. Gives you a sense of accomplishment on the weekends. It's just not that fun when you've been out late at your friend's band performance he night before and had maybe one too many beers. Not to worry on that one, folks. We walk everywhere we go.

While I'm on the subject of the band, they are called Matador of Shame, and our friend Steve is the drummer. Steve's a phenomenal musician, and the band themselves are excellent as well. They should go places, but we'll see. I've often thought that about indie bands I've enjoyed in the past, and been wrong. But what the hell do I know? I'm just a computer geek who happens to be a music connoisseur. Certainly no talent agent. Not to mention that the sheep in the world don't really like indie bands. They prefer Britney and Justin and .50 Cent and Little John. Gag me.

Well, back to my regularly scheduled World of Warcraft gaming. Yeah. I'm a big geek. I'm even wearing my "No, I Will Not Fix Your Computer" t-shirt today. Because I won't on Saturdays or Sundays. That's my time to fix MY computer, goddamn it.

Have a good one peeps. Peace, J

2006-06-09T10:21:00.000-07:00

I can't think of a better way to start my blogging than with last night's events.

Yesterday morning I received a call at work from my sister, Katie, who I rarely speak to. We're incredibly different people and have nothing in common other than relation, so we rarely speak. With that, I knew something was wrong instantly. I suspected something had happened to my Mother since they both still live in Louisville, KY. I was wrong. It was my Father (Pops, as I affectionately refer to him).

Pops had been admitted to a hospital because of an abscess in a not-particularly-terrific spot. At first, when Katie was initially explaining to me what was going on, my heart sank. I immediately thought cancer or something else equally drastic. Luckily, it was nothing life threatening, just that the poor guy was in incredible pain so the doctors decided to perform surgery right then and there.

So I didn't call him or anything throughout the day, thinking he was resting and that he wouldn't have his cell on him at the hospital anyway. I did think about him all day, however. So finally at about 8PM PST, I saw that I had a voice mail on my cell that had come while I was out walking the dogs. It was Pops.

The guy sounded horrible! He sounded more like he was 75 instead of 63. I called him back immediately, thinking it must be important if he's calling me at 11PM (he lives in Florida). So we started speaking and he just needed to talk to me. Everything was going well; he was resting and they had him hooked up to a bunch of hospital equipment, but overall he had recovered from the surgery just fine.

As Pops was explaining things to me about the whole ordeal, he said to me the single best words I have ever heard leave his lips. He said, "after I woke up from surgery, you're the first person I thought of. I said to myself, "I just want to talk to my son! I need my son!""

At this, I began crying. Not just a tearful eye, but weeping like a baby. They were tears of joy, mind you, but like I said, Pops just doesn't say things like that. He's been practically devoid of touchie-feelie emotions all of my life. Don't get me wrong, he's always said that he loves and all that, but this was different. He began crying a bit himself as he spoke the words, which didn't help my tear factory.

We eventually finished our conversation, and after I got off the phone with him I cried some more. For the next fifteen minutes after, I would repeatedly hear him saying those words to me and I would begin crying again! I was just so happy. This here six year Army veteran, who has fought in multiple theaters and seen some heinous shit, who has hardly managed a moistened eye let alone full-on weeping for five years, was practically bawling at those most simple of words.

It was an emotional moment for me, and I am still feeling that odd, happy crying that I haven't felt in so long. I feel rejuvenated. I love my Father. I'm not afraid to say those words.

I love you, Pops. Can't wait to see you again.