I've spoken to a lot of people about gun control over the years. They tend to want my opinion, I've found, due to my distinct military service and the fact that I own a few guns. All of my friends and family know this about me. It's nothing new; my Dad taught me when I was five. So I suppose that makes me a good judge on gun control.
All that being said, most people I've spoken with on the issue also come to the same conclusion: That it's OK for me to own assault rifles and the like because of my distinct military service.
I say, "Bullshit."
This is no longer OK. I can no longer justify owning an assault rifle. There's just no reason I can think of other than what my days as a recon scout taught me: When you need an assault rifle, it's better to have one than to not. But how often have I needed an assault rifle since I got out? Shit I haven't even fired the damn thing since I was 21. That was eighteen years ago (I weep).
If "the gubbermint" were to come after us for our guns, or try to take us over (a gun control opponent's oft-touted scenario), THEY HAVE 20,000-lb. LASER GUIDED BOMBS THEY CAN PUT THROUGH YOUR WINDOW FROM THEIR BATHROOM WHILE DOING THE DEED. Your chintzy M4 carbine that basically shoots a .22 caliber bullet really, really fast would be useless.
And hunting? Don't even get me started on that old canard. Any real hunter worth his/her salt will tell you there is zero skill involved with shooting a relatively defenseless animal with an assault rifle. Maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but 60% of the hunt is the thrill of "hunting" something down on your own two feet, real sneaky and quiet-like. You're "out-foxing" Nature and showing your prowess as a cunning, savage human. A bolt-action hunting rifle can be shot fast by someone trained, but therein lies the skill...you should only need one bullet in the first place. Anything else is a miss. If you have to hit a deer twice to take it down, you're doing it wrong or something happened that threw you off. A good hunter will be able to load another round and recover, and maybe squeeze off another good shot...or maybe not. Those are the breaks. Nature won that day. You don't bring a gun to a knife fight and you don't shoot relatively defenseless animals with weapons designed for war. It makes no sense.
I do not think I should be allowed to own an assault rifle anymore. I don't even think I need to. If it means one life gets saved, I would be happy to turn in my assault rifle to the local magistrate, on the following conditions:
1) Any proceeds from the sale/recycling of the weapon go to mental health facilities and to aid funding for immigrants coming into the US.
2) We stop bombing ISIS. Every time we bomb them, they show the five year-old boy in the street what the US President and the Americans did to his parents while his parents burn to death, screaming in the house he used to live in. A terrorist is born! That child will now be the faithful recruit and soldier of the apocalypse and will do anything for the ISIS leadership. I say, we take that ability away by stopping the bombing. Now, we can't simply leave them alone because they are a cancer on the world. So we start fighting cancer with medicine. The medicine will be...wait for it...and I'm dead serious, here...teddy bears. We'll teddy bear bomb ISIS. Wait! Think about this! If we were to merely drop giant teddy bears filled with first aid, food, chocolate, Playboys, Levis, whathaveyou, think about what the leadership would do, then. What could they do? Point to the teddy bears? The child would take one look at the teddy bear and one look at the Kalashnikov rifle in the corner and be like, "but I like teddy bears. That looks soft and sweet. How can these people hate us? It has this chocolate stuff! And it's WAY better than falafel! These people sent me medical supplies so I won't get sick from disease! These people seem alright, father!" We'll win, ultimately. It's like extinguishing a fire by removing all the oxygen. The fire has nothing to feed on anymore. And it dies.
Last thing I'm going to say, and then I'm off again: You people have GOT to stop being terrorized. You're allowing them to win! You're giving them power! You don't do anyone good by fighting among yourselves. You don't do anyone any good by hand-wringing and giving false, empty prayers on the Internet. Sending water bottles to people in the 407 isn't going to help the situation. Instead, you need to love. You need to take all that hatred you feel, all that anxiety and terror, and turn it in to love. Take your dogs to a lake and watch them fling themselves into it. Buy a dog if you don't have one. They'll teach you about how to love. Go be with your family and go on a Sunday road trip one hundred miles away for nothing more than fucking ice cream and smiles. Go visit a little old lonely lady in the hospital. Help a little old lady across the street. Do something powerfully loving. Do something joyous and caring. That is how you defeat terrorists. That is how you defeat hatred. By loving louder than they hate. My wife, Bunny puts it best, "You can't fight a fire with fire. That's science, yo." You bet your sweet touche, Baby.
I was a Sergeant in the US Cavalry. I have spent countless days fighting hate with hate, and we never won. People still fight to this day in the same places I fought. It's a loser's battle. We have to love, people. Love like our race depends on it. And we can start by removing objects of hate from our lives. Peace. Like, really...PEACE.
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